


this dream (isn't feeling sweet)

by javajoy



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Ben Solo has a Ph.D in braiding hair, Canon Rewrite, F/M, Finnpoe - Freeform, Fix-It, I hated rise of skywalker, Jedi Rose, Rey & Rose Tico Are Best Friends, Rose Ticco is important, Slow Burn, Smut, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Fix-It
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-06
Updated: 2020-02-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 18:40:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 35,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22580401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/javajoy/pseuds/javajoy
Summary: Once again, the Force brings them together. Quietly moving and bending reality so they can face each other. The rain and ocean have soaked Rey down to the sorrow resting in her bones, her hair is loose and sticking to her face, too busy trembling to hide her tears from Kylo.But Kylo isn't in the room with her, Kylo hasn't been the one the Force has connected her with. Ben was with her, offering her a blanket with a small First Order logo stitched into the corner. She wraps it around herself and Ben waits for her to speak.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 18
Kudos: 87
Collections: Ijustfellintothissendhelp





	1. Episode VII Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Smut is in chapters 4 and 5 if that matters to you.

Desperation and survival instincts often bury all other emotions. Jakku was, itself, a planet made of desperation. Rey remembers scorching hot days, burning her hands and feet as she scrambled to complete whatever task Urkar had assigned her. As the sun began to set, Rey would crawl underneath any shelter she could find, often starving and drenched in sweat; the darkness of the night would drop the temperature of the planet so drastically, Rey would have to curl in on herself to keep from freezing.

Her early years on Jakku were all the same, she alone would bandage her blisters and wash the sand out from her mouth. Protecting her eyes from the blinding sand and pale sky, never leaving town, always waiting. Teaching herself how to fix the broken ships and droids that the people of Jakku would sell to Urkar. If she ever made a mistake while repairing something, Urkar would back hand her and deprive her of food for the evening. So, Rey pushed herself to find the simple solutions. 

The only way she could enjoy spending time with Urkar was when he would test fly some of the ships he acquired, as Rey would often be allowed to join him. While these brief moments allowed her an escape, she feared to leave the ground and leaving Jakku. There was something about the temporary peace she would find while flying that allowed the sorrow the lingered in her bones to overtake her. After they'd return to the ground, Rey would once again be able to bury her grief, and focus on her survival. 

Urkar was harsh, always underfeeding her, always lashing out; but Rey was just another child under his care, as she aged like the others before her, she was granted more freedom and harsher tasks.

There were children just older and just younger than her. All hungry, all untrusting. Urkar kept the very young by his side, to get the most use out of his purchase of them. They would do menial chores and small repairs, Urkar usually fed each child once a day, but only if he was particularly kind that day. As the children aged, Urkar would stop all handouts. Forcing children as young as ten to start roaming the desert to find scrap that Urkar may want. The scavengers of Jakku were a reclusive lot.

Rey begged the older scavengers to show her what she was meant to do. They always resisted, guarding themselves against a potential thief. Still, Rey persisted. She noticed the younger scavengers worked together, while the older ones scavenged alone. When the younglings offered her vague advice, Rey took to following their elders.

Rey watched as children played on top of the destruction of war machines, stripping them down to their skeletons in hopes Urkar would pay them for their haul. As the harsh winds of Jakku moved between them, actual skeletons would make brief appearances before being covered by the sand again.

She dragged heavy plates of metal from the old wreckage back to Urkars shop, as she presented them to Urkar he let out a cruel laugh, and shoved the plates from his counter. Rey wants to scream. Running from his shop, Rey headed back towards the desert. The everlasting hunger was eating her alive. She couldn't stand another night of digging through waste bins looking for the barest of scraps.

Rey ran past the first battleground, where all scavenge had already been taken. She continued running as the sunlight faded and the cold night air froze her sweat in place. As her clouds of breath fell behind her, as her body screamed for her to rest. Rey didn't stop running until she came across a graveyard of ships, most were untouched, and full of what Rey could only see as her salvation. There was a hill just beyond the graveyard, where she could make out the silhouette of an AT-AT walker like the one she had watched the other scavengers play on.

As she climbed the steep hill towards the AT-AT walker, Rey felt as though she were climbing towards the stars. Keeping her eyes fixed on the moving cargo ships and shooting stars, Rey once again felt a cold pain working its way through her chest. Her eyes stung as a dull headache caressed the back of her head.

She stood before the metal mountain, walking around the destruction, towards its face. The window had been shattered decades ago, Rey crawled through one of the panels, old glass pricked and left small cuts on her skin. She continued inside, unable to see anything. Rey felt along the wall until she came to a corner, where she finally laid down. Hot tears stained her face as she pressed her hollow cheek into the cold floor. Rey attempted to steady her breathing just as she attempted to convince herself that she would not become another skeleton buried underneath Jakku.

\--

Rey awoke before the morning sun. In the dull light, Rey managed to find a net in her new shelter. As she had watched the scavengers before. Rey ripped open the panels, and began removing pieces she recognized that could be used on ships or on droids. She worked until her net was overflowing. Then, just as daylight began to greet the Jakku morning. Rey made her way back towards town. 

She was the first to see Urkar, he did not smile at what she had brought him, and he did not laugh at her. Urkar offered her exactly four portions for her haul and she accepted. Rey placed her portions under her shirt and avoided everyone she could as she left town. She understood why all the other scavengers were wary of her. Rey couldn't risk anyone stealing her portions after all her work. A small voice inside of her head told her to be charitable, but Rey was too starved to think that way.

\--

The AT-AT walker was not a terrible home. Rey slowly emptied the inside, selling what she could to Urkar. She found a small cot to sleep on, and sometimes while exploring other ships she would find personal effects of individuals long dead. She placed a small, dying, potted tree in her home that she recovered from a TIE fighter along with a rebel doll she found within a resistance ship inside her home.

Rey marked the passing days by scratching small marks on the wall. As the marks grew, so did an unspeakable hope inside her begin to die. Time was not always kind to her. As she could watch her cheeks fill out and her eyes light up, so did she watch as her cheeks hollowed out and her eyes dull. Urkar was not a generous man, and if he suspected one of his scavengers were eating too well, Urkar would stop giving them portions until he saw the desperation return to them.

Like the scavengers before her, Rey learned to ration, and wait. Rey sought comfort in the others, but she typically never found more than a brief conversation. There were scavengers that offered stolen moments, but she quickly learned that those stolen moments resulted in stolen goods. Rey was smart and refrained from them, but there were times she was lonely and foolish enough to seek them out.

\--

There is no understanding of the pain she feels inside. A quiet screaming child rests inside her, Rey tries to appease her by dreaming about how her family is on their way back for her. The child screams about images of skeletons lying in the sand. When Rey can no longer take the internal conflict she imagines herself on an island, watching an endless ocean move, and blend into the horizon. A small village and tiny birds find shelter on that island.

Pretty thoughts aren't enough to drown out the sound of the wind pounding against her shelter.

\--

Rey finds a staff. When she was younger, escaping unwanted attention and wandering hands hadn't been too difficult. But as the years go on, even her malnutrition can not stop her body from aging. She's taller, easier to grab despite her speed. The staff is easy enough to learn to wield and defend herself, her staff also helps her daily climb towards her home. Rey feels as though she's found a part of herself, and never spends a moment without it. She feels more protected.

That sense of protection keeps her sane. 

\--

Rey feels the most alone when she visits town. Polite smiles from scavengers who no longer want attention and the indifferent gaze of Urkar. The sound of life that settles over the town isn't pleasant. There is no laughter, only chatter filled with worry and talks of war. The paranoia of the fading Republic and threats of a new order. Rey can't comprehend what any of the chatter means, the talk she hears around her only reminds her that she can't remember the last time she spoke to someone. 

Jakku has taught her many languages, and she has been able to converse with aliens from distant planets. But in moments where she is surrounded by life. Rey can't remember what her own voice sounds like.

At night, when she attempts to fall asleep, when her exhaustion isn't enough, Rey imagines a familiar setting. She pictures herself with a father inside of one of Urkars ships. Her father is handsome and trying to teach her things she knows but in her daydream, she can't understand. She wants her father to lean down and hold her, and she watches as her arms raise for his attention, but fails to receive it.

Then she imagines a mother tucking her in. She pictures herself sitting behind her mother, who would have long, beautiful, dark hair, and Rey can clearly see her hands braiding her mother's hair. This daydream never lasts. Her hands are too unrecognizable and flashes of a different woman appear before her. 

She has no memories, only images, and feelings. Red robes, blonde hair, hazel eyes that match her's. Sometimes the woman is smiling, more often she's not. Rey remembers wanting more love, and she is still waiting for it.

Images that have plagued her since her arrival on Jakku, and have only worsened within the last three years.

The images are hazy and blurry, and likely made up. Rey is only playing make believe, she's not even that skilled at it. Her fantasies about foreign parents include a distant father and an overprotective mother. Rey can not remember what her parents look like, but she knows they will be reunited on Jakku.

Some day.

\--

Later that very night, Rey awakes to hear footsteps in her home. Hollow echos, she opens her eyes but can see nothing in the darkness. Rey reaches for her staff and stands. Waiting for additional sound and movement but nothing comes. Rey steps away from where she cot and walks towards the back of the AT-AT walker. 

A faint buzz clicks behind her, a heartbeat later an acid green glow fills the room. Rey turns towards the light, but finds no one there. The light flickers and moves, holding steady. Rey takes a step towards the light, curious. She wants to reach out but feels a foreign fear fill her. Someone is scared of this light, and they are screaming for someone to help them. She waits for the green glow to move or leave, but instead, a bright blue light ignites beside it. The colors push together, bathing the room in a wash of the two colors.

And then they are gone.

Rey stands alone in the darkness. She quickly makes her way outside of her shelter. The stars and Jakku's moons offer her dim lighting as she searches for any signs of life roaming around outside of her home. There is nothing to be found. Course sand scratches against her face, and the cold pricks at her fingertips. Rey raises one hand to her face, looking for an after effect of the blue green light. She finds only a small, calloused, hand. Rey then looks to the sky.  
She looks at the stars and the galaxy beyond. She finds only darkness against the light.  
Rey begins to question the last time she ate, she'll have to rethink her rationing habits in the morning. Perhaps she should also look into getting a small light to hang for the night. Rey tears her eyes away from space and looks towards town. 

She needs a speeder. If this hallucination was brought on from hunger and exhaustion, then Rey needs to make some changes.

But even as she crawls back inside her home, shielded by darkness, surrounded by cold. Rey feels as though she can feel someone screaming across the galaxy. Someone else's despair is rising within her, their anger mixing in with her own. Wherever that person may be, 

Rey can feel the fire they stand next to as though it was warming her own skin.

\--

The feeling completely fades in the morning, as though it had never occurred.

\--

Years continue. Rey fixes herself a speeder, and travels farther into the desert than the other scavengers. She finds herself new clothes and rags to wear. 

Rey watches as new children come into Urkars care. She begins to notice things she hadn't before. Urkar forces the children to go days without food as punishment, most don't survive the wait. One evening while cleaning her scavenge Rey watches as a little boy is forced to dig a grave for another boy who had died. Rey feels a panic build inside her. Jakku had caused her to be distracted by her day to day survival. Now approaching adulthood, Rey can't remember much about her time under Urkar. 

How many days had she gone without food.

Did she have to dig any graves like that child.

Sitting across from Rey is an old woman she doesn't like to look at. Rey doesn't want to think about how long she's been here. 

Rey doesn't want to think about how long shes been here.

As she watches the suffering of the children, so does Rey notice the suffering of the other scavenger girls. Girls whose names she knew and girls whose names she didn't know. Rey watched as their hunger and desperation lead them to seek alternative means of earning portions. Some left the planet, others stayed. But the light in their eyes had faded.

Rey still found skeletons hiding beneath Jakku. Older skeletons had long since turned to dust and joined the desert. Other skeletons were so fresh that they still held flesh.

At her home, the wall she used to mark days was filling up. About a year ago, Rey considered adding a little nitch onto the days she hadn't eaten, so that she knew when to push her luck with Urkar. After five days she stopped keeping track. She couldn't understand how she was still alive.

She has nightmares of ships leaving Jakku and of drowning in sand, she dreams of Urkar finding her home and destroying all of it, she dreams of parents who no longer recognize her.

Then sometimes Rey dreams of a tall monster, scolding her, shooting lighting. She would call the dream silly if she did not wake in a fearful sweat afterward.

\--

Stormtroopers sometimes visit Jakku. Just checking the outposts for any rebel activity. More and more First Order ships fill the night sky, and block out the sun. Rey keeps to herself. She doesn't need to die before she finds her family.


	2. Episode VII: The Force Awakens

Rey wakes in the middle of the night to a quick flash of red light. Gone as soon as it appeared. She lifts her head, and for a moment in the dull light, swears she sees the outline of a cloaked man. The vision is gone in the blink of an eye.

Rey returns to sleep.

\--

Panicked beeps faintly pass somewhere behind her. Rey is easily able to understand that a droid is calling out for help.

She races over a small sand hill, and spots Teedo dragging along a spherical droid in a net. The droid curses Teedo, but he does not respond. She is easily able to recall all of the droids she had fixed only for Teedo to dismantle them for their parts. Urkar was always furious, and taking his anger out on Rey.

Rey shouts at him in his own tongue. When Teedo refuses to release the droid. Rey continues fighting. Thankfully, Teedo isn't in the mood to argue, he drops his net and Rey rushes to the droids rescue.

The droid is clean, well preserved. Definitely not from Jakku, with only a bent antenna as damage.

"Where do you come from then?"

\-- 

BB-8 is similar to a baby animal, cheerfully following Rey back to her home. Though BB claims to be serving on a classified mission, the droid is more than happy to share stories of her former master, who she refuses to name. BB also crashes into the walls and tables that fill Rey's AT-AT walker home, asking her questions about the marks on the wall and other bits of decoration.

All of her questions are innocent, and Rey hasn't spoken to anyone in days. She finds that she has been longing to speak.

\--

They spend a few days together. Urkar wants to buy BB-8 but Rey won't allow that to happen. She faltered for one moment, but she won't allow that to happen again.

\-- 

Finally Rey meets Finn, a resistance member. Their meeting is quick, panicked, and thrilling. With Finn and BB-8, Rey, for the first time since she arrived, officially leaves Jakku.  
The sorrow that lingers inside her threatens to swallow her whole. Finn can't understand why she wants to return to Jakku.

\--

She wants to be Finn's friend, but he is on a mission for the resistance and she needs to get back to Jakku. He doesn't understand. He compliments her, and tells her what an amazing pilot she is. Rey ignores him, she knows that she will return to Jakku.

"I need you." Finn says as he watches her repair a gas leak on the ship. "The resistance needs someone like you." 

She falters for a moment. His voice was so genuine. She wants to join, but she can't leave Jakku. She's already been gone too long. "I'll get you to the Illeanian System, I'll get you both home." 

Rey will get them home safe. She's waited this long for her family, she believes that if they arrived on Jakku today, they can wait a day or two for her.

\--

Her surroundings change in a moment, Rey is standing on board of the Millennium Falcon, talking to Han Solo. His story has aged into greater truth. Still cocky, still handsome. She watches as he enters the cockpit. Rey remembers all of her dreams of a pilot father teaching her how to fly, a portion of her dream is living in front of her.

\--

Meeting Han Solo wasn't going exactly as she thought it would. Monsters were on the loose, she and Finn were fleeing as best they could.

When she saves Finn, she doesn't tell him. She can't join the resistance, she can't be anything more than a scavenger.

\--

They all lightspeed away on the falcon. Arriving on a planet with a grand ocean. The sight of it causes the sorrow in her bones to rise up and pull against her muscles.

"I didn't know there was this much green in the entire galaxy."

\--

Something was screaming for her, and she was ignoring it. As they speak with Maz, Rey can feel the room shake as it screams her name. 

Finn then tells her that he was never part of the resistance, and he wants her to leave with him to hide in the outer rim. 

Rey feels betrayed. He knows she needs to get back to Jakku, even if he doesn't understand why. She thinks of all the stolen moments she's had with other scavengers and realizes that's what this is. Another stolen moment to haunt her.

Rey won't leave with him. She won't run away.

\--

She follows the vibration and screaming. she sees the visions play out before her. Maz tells her that she's also running away. She isn't. Rey has a family.

"Whoever you are waiting for on Jakku, they aren't coming back." Her sorrow is seeping onto her skin, she can't hold back the tears. "But there is someone who could." 

Rey thinks about the myth, and about the green light she saw all those years ago.

"The longing you seek isn't behind you."

Rey can't even vocalize what she wants. This isn't her story, she wants nothing to do with Luke Skywalker or that lightsaber.

\--

So she runs. Maz has no idea what she's talking about. Finn is running away from the fight, and Rey is running home.

She can hear BB-8 racing after her. She has to get back to Jakku. Rey doesn't know who she is if she's not waiting there.

\--

Stormtroopers are now raiding the planet. A cold sweat coats her skin as she fires her blaster at them. As one falls, she tries not to think about Finn, about how he could have known the man she just killed.

\--

And so she is found by a creature in a mask. Tall and cloaked in black. Rey fires at him, any blaster bolt that would have hit him were deflected by his crackling red lightsaber. She blindly moves backward, as the red glow burns into her eyes, Rey turns and begins to climb up a small grove in the hill. 

She can't out run him. Rey turns to fire again, only the creature must have grown tired of their pathetic chase, with only a slight movement of his hand, Rey stands paralyzed before him. The arm which held her blaster was now pinned behind her.

"The girl I've heard so much about." His robotic voice was cruel, filling her with fear. He walked towards her, towering over her. 

He's observing her, tilting his masked head as he circles her. Rey can't imagine what he could have possibly heard about her. She thinks it may involve her traveling with a resistance droid, a former stormtrooper, and the legendary Han Solo. She would shake if she were not paralyzed. 

He's standing behind her. "Tell me." he pauses, "Where is the droid."

His lightsaber is pointed against her neck, she can feel the heat and energy radiating off of the chaotic light it emits. The horrific red glow fills her vision. 

Her eye's sting, but she won't cry in front of this creature. She wouldn't sell BB-8 to Urkar and she won't let this man know her location either. Rey bites her lips to keep them from quivering. He withdraws his lightsaber, moving to stand beside her. She feels his gloved finger press lightly against his temple.

She can feel him pounding the barrier of her mind. She would crumble from the pain if she had the ability to move. Rey pushes against him, attempting to lock him out of her mind. His touch twitches against her temple, while he stands his ground Rey feels him remove himself from her mind.

"The map..." she won't speak to him. "you've seen it." the robot voice rings in her ear. She feels his finger leave her temple and fall down her cheek. Behind her, a stormtrooper says something she can't comprehend.

He moves behind her once again. "Forget the droid." He moves closer to her. "We have what we need."

A voice fills her head with one simple request.

Sleep.

Rey can't prevent herself from obliging.

\--

She wakes, loosely restrained against a slanted metal sheet. Rey has some freedom to move her arms, but not enough to escape. Either she had been too small for the normal restraints, but they had been kept loose on purpose.

She glances around the room until her eyes fall upon him. Perfectly blended into the darkness, kneeling before her.

"Comfortable?" His robotic voice was louder in such a closed space. Rey couldn't vocalize a response. "From our observation of you, it was easy to detect that you're quite malnourished. We'd be more than happy to give you some portions."

What was he doing? "Where am I?" Rey demanded

He was silent for a moment. This was the first time she had spoken to him. He seemed to consider his response. "You're my guest." he was so sure of his answer.

Rey began pulling on her restraints again, to challenge his words. 

"There wouldn't have been a need for that." He said, "If you hadn't fired against me in the woods." Her hands shook, he was truly blaming her for her restraints.

He had told his men to forget the droid. If that were true, she could be completely alone here. Seeds of rage were being planted within her. "That tends to happen when you're being hunted by a creature in a mask." 

She waited for his response. Waited for this First Order monster to threaten her. He again hesitated. She could wait. She was very good at that.

Finally, he placed his hands on his mask, Rey could hear the mechanics moving as he stood before her and removed it.

He stood still, allowing her time to observe him. Pale skin, a constellation of moles and freckles across his face. Strong nose, long black hair. Rey could see a faint resemblance to Han Solo. This was the face of the monster who chased her through the forest, the look he gave her was one she couldn't understand.

He aggressively placed his helmet down on what seemed to be a pillar of ash.

"I," he took a step towards her. "am Kylo Ren. Master of the Knights of Ren, member of the First Order." His face was blank, as though forcing himself not to show emotion. "I am your, gracious, host." Kylo Ren gave another pause, as though waiting for Rey to introduce herself. 

He would have to get used to waiting.

"We're attempting to collect data on you," Kylo said after it became clear Rey was not up for conversation. "but there's surprisingly little." He walked closer to her as he spoke "No family, no friends, just, a lone scavenger." Again he waited, but she would not give in. 

"Urkar gave us the information we wanted." Rey's heartbeat slammed against her chest. "Rey." Hearing him say her name sent ice through her blood.

He kept coming closer "That droid, holds a map to Luke Skywalker, and somehow, you convinced the droid to show you the map." Rey couldn't control her breathing, she kept taking harsh, shallow breaths. "Because you have seen the map, we were able to let the droid go, and take you instead." There was uncertainty in his next words "I, want to thank you."

Finally, Rey turned her head towards Kylo Ren, who was closer than she would have liked. "That droid, is special. Thanks to you, it remains unharmed." 

Rey couldn't stop herself. "What does BB-8 mean to you?" why would he possibly thank her for the droids safety.

Kylo's eyebrow gave a slight raise before lowering again. Still observing her, still studying her. "I built BB-8."

Rey's body was overtaken by a phantom temple. "You're lying." her voice did not shake. "If you built BB-8, then you turned your back against the resistance." 

His face was still indifferent. "My grandfather was Darth Vader. I am, where I was always meant to be." his voice was colder than it had been before. He inched closer. "You know I can take whatever I want."

Rey didn't want her fear to give her away. It was clawing at her throat, and shaking her to her core.

"At night," he whispered "when you have trouble sleeping, you picture an ocean, an island." her breathing became painful. "I see it too." The images that brought her comfort in the night only mock her now. "You picture a family..." She feels his sharp breath against her cheek. "Looking for a father figure in Han Solo, he would have just disappointed you."

"Get out of my head." Rey isn't sure if she's demanding or begging.

He doesn't "You are so blinded to your own anger, you've convinced yourself it's sorrow." Rey fights against his hold on her mind. Grinding her teeth together.

Kylo Ren finally steps away from her. "If you won't tell me about the map, I'll take it from you." He pushes against her mind again but Rey refuses.

Leaning away from her restraints, Rey and Kylo struggle against an invisible barrier. Rey manages to sense a falter in Kylo, and pushes against that.

For a brief moment, she sees herself through Kylo Ren's eyes, then Rey pushes past that and locks into his thoughts and memories. Kylo's curiosity about her ability to see inside his mind distracts him from pushing her out.

Rey sees his crimes, his shrine to Vader. She can hear his plea to his long dead grandfather. She uses this as bait, mocks him with it. Before he finally banishes her from his mind she catches another glimpse. Something he didn't want her to witness but accidentally blinded her with. She saw his parents, and heard his struggle against the light.

\--

Kylo Ren has fled from her prison cell. Rey needs to escape, she needs to speak to Han Solo about his son. She can hear a stormtrooper standing at the door of the cell. She recalls Jedi rumors, and thinks about how Kylo had convinced her to fall asleep. Rey attempts to convince the guard to free her, and though she struggles, she proves successful.

\--

Finn and Han came to save her. Finn didn't run away. Rey holds him and can't stop thanking him. Han tells them they need to leave.

Rey can see the conflict resting behind his easy smile. She knows Han won't want to leave without his son.

Rey doesn't want to question him.

\--

She watches as Han Solo attempts to reason with his son. Kylo Ren drops his helmet, and even from her distance, Rey watches as Han approaches his son Ben. 

Ben is hesitating, he says that he doesn't have the strength. Rey wants to scream, unsure of what outcome she hopes for.

But Ben Solo is struggling, and wants one outcome over the other. He takes a step back as Kylo Ren, using the Force to shove his father to the other side of the bridge. Han Solo slams into a wall panel, Chewie begins firing his blaster, making his way towards his friend.

From his distance, Kylo Ren turns his gaze towards her and Finn. Rey grabs Finn's arm and runs back out into the snowy forest.

\-- 

The pain in her back pulsates throughout her entire body. Rey is unable to scream as she watches Kylo Ren slice Finns back. Her arms scream at her as she forces herself to stand. As she watches Kylo reach for the lightsaber buried in the snow, so does she.

Something is surrounding her, screaming, always screaming. The lightsaber goes to her as the Force begins to sing throughout her body, no longer muffled.

She lunges at Kylo, unsure of her movements, but wanting to hurt him as he hurt her. She thinks about how he invaded her own mind, she screams and swings. However, Kylo pushes back, with a fearful, fascinated look on his face. 

Their lightsabers cross, bathing Kylo's face in a purple glow, the reflection of the lightsabers castes in his brown eyes.

"You need a teacher!" his voice is almost drowned out by her own heartbeat. "I can show you the ways of the force!"

Rey thinks about the force, and about what he had said earlier. Rey closes her eyes and feels light and dark energy flowing between herself and Kylo. She feels how underneath the sorrow that's been plaguing her, is a greater sense of rage.

Rey takes that rage, and pushes back against Kylo. 

\--

Kylo is laying on the ground, looking up at her, his cloak torn, small wounds on his arms, and a giant gash left on his face. Starkiller base below them is trembling, tearing itself apart. Rey can't remember how the short fight she just had with Kylo, the shaking of the false planet brought her back into her body, where she once again covered her rage with sorrow.

Flickers of herself from Kylo Ren's eyes flash before her. Rey doesn't want to acknowledge them. So she runs.

\--

Chewie is flying the Falcon alone, he helps her carry Finn inside and the lay him next to Han.

The four of them flee Starkiller Base. Rey doesn't want to question if Han's son is still alive.

\--

When they land, Finn is rushed off to the medical center. Han waves off all help, not wanting to be moved. Rey stays with him as Chewie leaves to find Leia. 

Han reaches out and lightly touches Rey's arm. "You," neither of them want to talk about him, but they have to. "You saw my son? Ben?"

Rey can't tell him the context in which she saw him. "Yes." she weakly manages. "He offered me food." she briefly recalls.

His breathing is shaky as he continues "Is he alive, do you know?"

Rey thinks about the wound left on Kylo's face when she fled. "The last I saw, he was alive." She's crying now, not wanting to admit to even herself she may have made an attempt on Kylo's life and doesn't remember.

He blinks rapidly, then lifts his arm and jacket to show a massive wound. There's a soft gasp behind him as Leia enters the room. She kneels next to him. "Why didn't you leave with the medical when they were here." 

Han doesn't answer, he's only on borrowed time.

"He didn't do this Leia." He chokes. "Our son is still struggling." a tear falls from his eyes. "But," Rey shouldn't be here, but her legs refuse to move.

Leia nods. "If Ben thinks he is responsible, he may be lost." she says for him.

He shakes his head, his hand reaches out and caresses her face, "No, Ben will come home, I know it." Leia's own hand covers Han's "I just won't be around to see it."

\--

Han Solo dies twenty minutes later. Rey feels his loss pulsating in the Force and wonders if his son can also feel it.

\--

Leia tells Rey about her son, and about her brother. Leia is so sure that Rey is what they need, that she could become a Jedi like her brother. Leia pulls Rey into a tight embrace and Rey remembers once again the wound on Kylo's face.

It's decided that Chewie and Artoo will join her to find Luke Skywalker. Rey wanted to bring BB-8 but Poe Dameron said that Rey didn't need two droids. Rey looked at the man that Finn had rescued from Kylo Ren and the First Order and couldn't believe he was keeping the very droid that Kylo had built from her.

But Rey wouldn't argue with him. She quietly agreed and went to say goodbye to her friend. Still weak, still recovering. She kissed his forehead and promised to see him again.

\--

The island from her dreams awaited her, as she flew above the ocean.

Luke Skywalker was waiting for her.


	3. Episode VIII: The Last Jedi

Luke Skywalker rejected her.

With a deep distaste clouding his face, he wordlessly tossed the lightsaber she had handed him off the cliff behind him.

His actions had stripped Rey of her hope.

Luke pushed past her and continued walking away. 

Whatever she had done on Starkiller Base, he knew. Rey clenched her fist as she attempted to rationalize with herself. He couldn't know. She turned her head "Master Skywalker?"

He couldn't know.

\--

When Luke wouldn't acknowledge her, Rey turned to Chewie, who was more than happy to burst down his down and start screaming.

Rey again attempted to plea with Luke, but he had only one question.

"Where's Han?"

\--

It was only right to give Luke time to mourn. Rey gave him and Chewie time alone to grieve over their friend.

Rey wandered the island alone. She looked out at the ocean and could only think about Kylo. Leia had confided in Rey that the memory she thinks the most about with her son was how as a child he used to braid her hair. Rey could only imagine the injured Kylo Ren from Starkiller Base, with his bloody, charred face, braiding his mother's hair.

How long ago had that been. How long ago did she leave Jakku.

Rey thought about her wall of scratches, marking the days. How many were missing now? Her AT-AT walker was likely filling with sand, her small plants wilting from the heat and lack of water. Other scavengers likely noted her absence and raided her home for extra rations, as though she hadn't been living portion to portion for months now.

Leia had made sure Rey ate two meals before she had left. She had gotten her a clean outfit and took her to bathe in a nearby lake. The only thing about her that belonged to Jakku was the dirt underneath her fingernails. 

The wind here was soft, like a gentle caress against her cheek. No sand scratching her face, flying in her eyes.

Rey faintly heard some porgs screeching behind her. She followed the sound to a small bush, where a small porg was being taunted by larger porgs. Rey shooed the large ones away and laid a gentle hand on the ground next to the small porg. A male porg too fat to fly, he waddled into her hand, Rey slowly lifted him to her eye level. The porg sat down in her palm, clearly content to go wherever she was to take him.

She was holding a living creature in her hands, Rey gave him a small smile, and headed back to the Falcon, where she would wait for Chewie, and hopefully Luke. She was good at waiting, but hoped the porg would make the waiting less lonely.

\--

Luke never came to find her. Rey had to seek him out again. When she found him attempting to go about his daily routine, he made a comment about her toting around an invasive species in her pocket. Rey covered her porg with her hand, making sure he was safe in the small pouch she placed him in.

He made quite the show for Rey, showing that he was done with the Jedi life and was content with the one he led now. Rey almost expected him to turn and bow periodically.  
As she followed Luke, she heard a whispering, a piece of the Force, calling out to her. Rey turned her gaze towards a large tree on the island. Forgetting Skywalker, she head to it.

Old and ancient. She moved through it as the Force began to sing.

Luke followed her there. Finally showing interest in her. "Where are you from?"

Rey thought about her dying plants and an unforgiving sun. "No where"

Luke scoffed. "No one's from no where, Rey-"

"Jakku" Luke didn't respond to that, he held a small defeated look on his face. He moved on from that. "What are you doing here?" 

Rey swallowed. "Your sister Leia sent me-"

It was his turn to cut her off. "I know that. I wanna know why you're here."

Why was she here? Could she look at him and confess her fear that there was rage and darkness lurking within her. Did she even want to be a Jedi. Leia trusted her, and the Force answered her. Maz said that the longing she felt was not on Jakku, but Rey had no idea what she longed for.

"I need someone to show me my place in all of this." She told him the truth, but Luke didn't seem to accept it.

\--

Luke was hesitant to train her. He was adamant that he would never train another generation of Jedi. 

However, a short conversation with Artoo had given him the small push he needed

\--

The next morning was to be her first day of Jedi training. As the sunlight broke through her window, warming her face, Rey stirred in bed. Slowly pulling herself up, she could hear the faint coo's of her porg as she gently moved him aside for a moment. She reached for her shoe's and she waited for sleep to leave her. 

Time began to slow down and Rey became more awake, the overwhelming sense that she was being watched overcame her. She lifted her head to see Kylo Ren sitting just feet from her.

His wound had been transformed into a bulging scar, deep purple bags hung underneath his eyes, his eyes were bloodshot, as though he'd been recently crying. Just as before, his curiosity caused him to hesitate, while Rey's rage forced her to act. She fired her blaster at him before she could think. Kylo was startled by her action but unharmed. Rey fled from her shelter, waiting for Luke to be fighting an army of stormtroopers, but found no one else around.

She turned to face Kylo again, attempting to weasel his way into her mind. "You will bring Luke Skywalker to me."

His words were a secret salvation. He wasn't here, yet she could still see him. They stood before each other, unable to make the next move. Kylo turned his head. "You're not doing this." His voice was so sure. "The effort alone would kill you." The scar was harsher in the light, deep and horrific. "No, this is something else" 

Kylo Ren was standing before her. Ben Solo, the son of Han Solo and Leia Organa. "Can you see my surroundings?" He continued "I can't see yours." pauses "Just you."

She had tried to kill him again.

Behind her a door opens, she calling hear Luke calling out a question. She turns her head to him, but can still sense Kylo behind her. She looks back at him, Kylo is searching for something he can't see. "Skywalker?" he questions. He gives Rey a look as though he's impressed by her.

Luke questions her again, this time when she tears her eyes away from Kylo he disappears.

Rey offers Luke a lame excuse he seemingly accepts and Rey reaches down for the fat porg making his way to her.

\--

She fails her first lesson. The darkness began to call her, and she didn't question it. Words from Lukes lesson echo in her ears. 'To say that if the Jedi die, the light dies, is vanity.' Rey went straight for the darkness. They both had to acknowledge there wasn't as much light in her as they wanted. 

Luke didn't hesitate to compare her to Kylo Ren.

\--

Luke canceled her lessons for the next few days. He wanted time to think. Even so, he didn't scold her company, but Rey still felt unwanted. She stood alone outside of the Falcon, shielding herself from the rain. She watched as her little porg played in a small puddle beside her feet. Other porgs marched and began nesting within the Falcon. Luke hadn't been lying when he called them an invasive species.

As she reached out to catch raindrops, Rey could feel the Force bend behind her, bridging a gap, a feeling she had been too tired to notice before.

Rey turned at the moment he did. His face was still scared. His eyes bloodshot.

"Why is the force connecting us?"

Did he know about his father? Did he cry for him? "You're too late. I found Skywalker." Her voice was so harsh.

Kylo hesitates. "Did he tell you what happened?" his voice was rushed

Rey steps toward him. "I know everything I need to know about you." She thinks about his crimes and ignores Leia's story about her little boy braiding her hair.

"You do?" He questions her, taking his own step forward. "Ah, you do." Han and Leia want their son home, Rey didn't know how to help them. She thought about that metal chair, him shifting through her mind, the loosened restraints, and him offering her a meal. "You have that look, the one from the forest."

His scar was harder to see at night, but still there. The memory of the forest caused her to bury her rage, and step away.

Kylo could see as Rey loosened her shoulders and let out a breath. "Ask him about that night." was the last thing he said before he was gone.

\--

That night Rey asked Luke what he did after the war. Luke gave her a smile. "Everyone is so interested in my part in the fall of the empire, that I've rarely been asked about my life afterward." 

Rey waited for him to respond. She brushed her porg with one finger as he pecked at the small berries she laid next to him. She had gorged herself on the fish Luke had caught and prepared, she had never tasted anything like it in her life, nor had she ever had so much food on her plate. 

Luke took a deep breath and smiled. "I traveled with Han and Leia." Chewie let out a small gruff of protest. "And of course out beloved Chewie here." Chewie rolled his eyes at Luke. "For the first year, we went to the places that had been hurt the most by the Empire. Fixing what we could. When Han and Leia wanted to settle down, I sought out Jedi temples. Did everything I could to learn and preserve the failed religion." Luke paused, taking a drink of blue milk. "Quickly started to learn that, being a Jedi was very different from what I had thought. Still, following in my father's footsteps, kept my husband and I's relationship a secret." 

At that Chewie made a note of surprise. "You were married?" Rey questioned

Luke had a far off look in his eyes, and a loving smile. "Yeah, only my sister knew. We all traveled to Naboo." His smile faltered only a bit. "It was the first, and last, time I ever saw my mother's home planet."

Her porg began to lightly nip at her fingers. "Are the Jedi forbidden to wed?" she asked.

Luke only nodded. "The Jedi want to strip themselves of their humanity. I thought I could break rules here and there. The Jedi are unsaveable." He breathed "Only wish I knew that sooner."

Rey starred at Luke, stranded on this island, alone. "What happened to your husband?" She waited for his answer, wanting to be wrong.

"Killed." Luke said, Rey felt her hands begin to shake. "By Snoke." 

The conversation was over. Luke returned to his hut, leaving them alone.

\--

Kylo Ren appeared in her room once again, just before she was about to lay down. Rey was perched in the corner of her small bed, petting the belly of her fat porg. She had been so lost in thought, thinking about how this small animal was more well fed than she had ever been. The Force quickly moved and bridged them together.

Kylo was standing above her, holding his datapad. Perhaps he was writing a report, or reading through one, but his entire attention was focused on her.

A look of disbelief crossed his face. "Is that," he scoffed. "a porg." Rey was ready to defend herself and her small friend, she began to move to stand but Kylo waved a hand. "No, please, don't trouble yourself." He looked away and lightly shook his head. "Of course, you would pick a super invasive species to be your pet."

Rey decided she would stand. "Super invasive species?" She thought about how the porgs had torn panels off of the Falcon to make room from their nests.

Kylo returned his attention back to his datapad. "They're only a plague to any planet they make their way to." Now he was trying to make a show of not paying attention to her.

She couldn't see the scar from the way he was facing her. His face was untouched, he only looked like he was in need of a good night's sleep. In the dying firelight, she couldn't help but see how much he looked like his mother. She wondered if Han had noticed.

"I've been reading up on Force connections." He told her, he had tucked his hair behind his ear on the unscarred side of his face. "There is surprisingly little research." He gave her one quick glance. "Do you have any ideas."

Rey remained silent. She had no idea. She didn't even know what to say to him.

Kylo wasn't content with the silence. "What's his name?" he asked her.

The porg was fast asleep in her hands, unaware of the situation or uncaring. "He doesn't have one." She confesses. "I wouldn't know what to name him anyway."

There was a small quiver on Kylo's lips before he disappeared.

\--

Luke wanted to be alone for the entire day. He had no interest in any Jedi training, he likely hoped that the more darkness he exposes about the Jedi order, the less likely Rey would want to train. Rey couldn't consider that option. She knew he saw the darkness in her, and that deterred him.

Chewie, not a fan of fish, seemed content to hunt porgs for food. Rey took herself and her porg to the other side of the island. She sat the porg on top of a small pile of berries and seeds that she had brought for him. He cooed and rolled in the food, perfectly content.

Rey herself, removed her jacket, approached a large bolder, and readied her staff. She had never practiced fighting, she found that swinging her staff as hard as she could be good enough defense. She twirled her staff around, and pretended that a stormtrooper stood before her. The fantasy lasted only for a few minutes as she attacked the unmoving stone, then the stormtrooper started to look like Finn.

She fought to think of another target to fight. Kylo Ren came to mind, his bloodshot eyes and scar screaming at her. She imagined him with his mask on, and thought that was a good enough target. She switched to her lightsaber, and began practicing.

The masked Kylo Ren didn't last either, the sleep deprived son of Leia kept flashing before her. Rey fought to think of someone who filled her with rage.

Urkar.

Rey thought about the hunger that still followed her, she thought about the children who had to dig graves for each other, she thought about the girls her age who had to sell themselves just to be able to eat. She thought about how cold Jakku was at night. She thought about how Urkar dragged her away from that ship when she was a child. She thought about every night she had been on Jakku, alone.

Through her rage, she felt the Force move and bridge behind her. She wouldn't acknowledge it. Not yet. Rey sliced her saber through the rock, and watched as it slid off the side of the cliff. She could feel the sweat dripping off of her chin, and clinging her shirt to her skin.

Finally, she turned to face him. Kylo was sitting, he was wearing a thin black shirt, his hair was messy, and the bags under his eyes were lighter. He only offered a brief glance, his eyes were bloodshot, he didn't hide the tear that fell from his eye.

She had never been the one to speak first, but she doubted Kylo wanted to be the one to start now. "Did you just wake?" she asked. Her porg was only a foot away from where he sat, stuffing his face.

Kylo didn't answer, he only sucked in a breath. She could see he was struggling. Rey placed her lightsaber on the ground, and sat across from Kylo. She kept her hand near her saber, though he had never attacked her before she wanted to be guarded. As her fingers neared her weapon, Rey remembered that the only one to attack when the Force connected them, was her.

Finally Kylo was able to speak. "Was he alone?"

Rey felt her eyes sting at the memory. "No. Leia, Chewie, and I were with him." Kylo closed his eyes. Rey couldn't tell if her next words would hurt him or not. "He died as Leia told him a story about his friend," Rey struggled to remember the name.

Kylo spoke as though he were about to say the wrong name. "...Lando." Rey nodded though Kylo's eyes remained closed. 

Rey opened her mouth to tell him what she knew Han wanted him to know. That he doesn't blame his son for his death. Kylo was gone before the words escaped her lips.

\--

That night Luke told her that the village was about to be under attack, and the Jedi way would have her do nothing. Rey ran off to save the village anyway. She cut open the fence only to find the village in a small celebration.

The villagers stared at Rey like a pest, an invasive specie they wanted to be rid of. Rey began to move back, towards Luke, who she could see making his own way towards her.

He was laughing, unable to control himself.

"I didn't actually think, that you would just _rush_ in like -" Rey pushed past him, feeling humiliated.

\--

Kylo appeared again on her walk back, headed in the same direction.

With Luke behind her Rey only glanced at Kylo as she kept walking. She imagined Kylo was in a similar position as he mumbled to someone she couldn't see as he walked beside her.

Rey wanted to stop and stare, to see if his eyes were still bloodshot. She wanted to whisper the words she couldn't say this morning. But she could hear Luke's footsteps behind her, and Kylo was clearly in the middle of his own conversation.

She wondered if he could hear how loudly she was screaming inside, from the other side of the galaxy.

\--

During the afternoon of the next day, the Force bridged them again. He again was sitting down. Looking as though he had just woken up. Rey was sitting, herself, where she had first met Skywalker. She Looked at Kylo, who was avoiding her gaze.

"Did you sleep well?" She offered. She still wanted him to know what Han had said, but she didn't want to tell him first thing after he had woken up.

Kylo pinched the bridge of his nose. "No." He said, "What time is it for you?" There were millions of planets, being honest couldn't hurt her. 

"Mid afternoon." She told him. "Been a slow day."

He huffed. "Training with Skywalker not going well?" he still wouldn't look at her. He probably was thinking about his own training with Master Skywalker.

Rey couldn't prevent her answer "No. Not exactly." She thought about how she had failed two of the three lessons Luke had promised so far. It was becoming clear that she would not be a Jedi.

"You need a better teacher than him." Rey remembered his offer in the forest. Right before she sliced open his face. "How's the porg?" 

Rey was grateful for the change of subject, she lifted her porg from her lap and held him between them. "Still nameless and fat." a small smile spread across her face.  
Kylo leaned slightly towards her hand. Part of Rey wanted to jerk her hand away, but she remained steady. Her porg fixed his beady eyes on Kylo.

"What would you name him?" Rey asked.

Kylo seemed taken aback by her question. "I don't know." he said quickly. "Porg." His answer was likely due to his recent slumber. Unthinking, panicked.

Rey was never going to name him, never wanted to claim him. She didn't want to promise a kinship to a creature that she could easily lose. She thought about the other scavengers on Jakku, she thought about Han, and she thought about Finn.

"I like that." She told him. "It'd be a fine name."

Kylo turned to face her. Rey could see the groves of his scar, and how his cheeks were starting to hallow out. She could easily see that while it was morning to him, Kylo Ren had not slept through the night. They both remained silent until the Force closed the bridge, leaving Rey and Porg alone on the cliffside. 

\--

"You knew him as Ben Solo." Rey asked him that night at dinner.

Luke didn't acknowledge her as he began eating. "What about Ben Solo?" he spoke through his mouth full.

Similar to her 'Jedi' master, Rey possessed no manners, and talked while eating as well. "Leia told me about the little boy who used to braid her hair, and Han taught him how to pilot the Falcon." Luke let out an amused sound while chewing.

"Han wouldn't let Ben in the cockpit, Ben wanted to learn, but Han was always busy, and when he wasn't, Ben would throw a tantrum and pretend that the only thing he wanted to do was spend time with his mother and read." Rey tried to picture it, Kylo Ren hunched over, nose in a book.

"Did they not get along?" She wondered if she was stepping out of line with her question.

Luke didn't think so. "They loved each other," he paused "Ben was too quiet for Han, Han expected his son to be rowdy like him. Ben, well," Luke seemed to think his words over "He has his father's humor, but that's it."

Rey took a small drink before speaking again. "So Ben Solo was a quiet child, who loved to read, and braided his mother's hair." Luke nodded without looking at her. "Somehow, that same Ben Solo, became Kylo Ren."

His voice was tight "Darth Vader was once Anakin Skywalker. The Dark Side changes you."

\--

Before she returns to her hut, Rey asks Chewie if there were any updates from the resistance regarding Finn.

He tells her that they've received no word from the resistance yet.

\--

The Force bridges them once again when Rey is alone in her room. She places Porg on top of her pillow as she goes to talk to Kylo. Once again he's on his datapad, he's dressed, and looks cleaner than he did this afternoon. She wonders if he bathed.

She must have looked at him differently because Kylo asked. "Did you ask him about that night?" He held on tight to his datapad, attempting to look indifferent.

"No," she said "I asked him about what Ben Solo was like." Kylo gave her a startled look, pure disbelief on his face.

He places his datapad on a surface she can't see and says "What did you just say?"

Rey thought about how she had seen his struggle against the light when she looked inside his mind, she thought about how his parents believed he could come home. "We talked about your past, Ben Solo, about the little boy who loved to read and wanted to pilot the Falcon." He had wanted to know if his father had died alone, Han Solo's son was still there.

Kylo looked as though she had slapped him. "Did Skywalker," His voice contained hints of anger. "tell you, that my name was Ben Solo?"

For a fearful moment, Rey questioned the galaxy if she had been talking to the wrong man. If in a state of confusion, she had mistaken Kylo Ren to be the son of Han Solo. "If Ben Solo isn't your name, then what is?"

Kylo took a step towards her. "Not once, in my life, has my name ever, been Ben Solo. From the moment I was born, til the moment I became Kylo Ren, my name was Ben Organa." 

Rey could easily see the path his life should have taken, the little boy who braided his mother's hair should have stood beside General Organa as an adult, and served her in the resistance. 

She wanted to tell him this, tell him that he could still be an Organa, but the Force connection faded, and Rey was only left with more things that she couldn't tell him.

\--

Luke was growing suspicious, but Rey couldn't stop her questions. "He didn't like being Ben Solo, he was Ben Organa." 

"What about it." Luke was trying to get away from her, sick of the questions.

Rey followed him up the steep hill, towards the Jedi cave he had shown her before. "Was it his dislike of his father, or was his name truly Organa?"

"Both." He wouldn't elaborate, Luke didn't want to talk about his nephew anymore. 

"How did he become Kylo Ren." She had to know what had turned his heart towards the darkness.

Luke finally turned to face her. "You really wanna know."

\--

And so Luke told her. Snoke had poisoned his mind, and Luke wanted to prevent the destruction his nephew would bring.

Luke Skywalker, who had turned Darth Vader to the light, was willing to slay his sisters son.

\--

She had been waiting since Luke shared his story, but when the Force finally connected them, Rey wanted to run.

"I'd rather not do this now." was all she managed to say. She couldn't face him.

"Yeah, me too." What had swayed him, what reason did he have to be distant.

Rey turned "Why did you-" Kylo was shirtless, with either water or sweat coating his skin. The scar she had given him reached even his chest, which also contained freckles and moles. She tore her gaze away from him, feeling her cheeks burn. She had never seen- "Do you have something, a cowl, or something you could put on?"

Kylo didn't answer her.

"Why did you hate your father?" Rey managed to look at him again, locking into his eyes. 

His voice was steady "I didn't hate my father."

"No," She thought about everything Luke had said, "You had a father who loved you, who gave a damn about you." She kept thinking about what it would be like, to have a father to scorn, a mother who's hair she could braid. She wants so much more than images of flashing hazel eyes and blonde hair.

"You aren't mad at me, this is about you." She could hear Kylo approach her. "Or are you accusing me of something." His voice was harsh, Rey stepped back.

If Han didn't blame his son for his death, then neither would she, yet a rage was building inside of her she couldn't understand.

"You keep looking for something that's only holding you back." He said, as though he cared. "Looking for a father figure in Han Solo, now in Skywalker."

"You're wrong" she challenged. Rey didn't know what she was looking for, how could he. He wouldn't stop coming closer. His pale skin kept drawing her gaze.

"Let the past die. Kill it if you have to." With his final words, the Force leaves Rey alone.

\--

If the Darkness of the island is calling her, who is she to ignore it.

\--

She wanted answers, but she didn't get any.

\--

Once again, the Force brings them together. Quietly moving and bending reality so they can face each other. The rain and ocean have soaked Rey down to the sorrow resting in her bones, even her pet porg is rejecting her touch. Her hair is loose and sticking to her face, she's too busy trembling to hide her tears from Kylo.

But Kylo isn't in the room with her, Kylo hasn't been the one the Force has connected her with. Ben Organa was with her, offering her a blanket with a small First Order logo stitched into the corner. She wraps it around her and Ben waits for her to speak.

Rey doesn't tell him about the cave, not yet. She tells him about Jakku, about starving, about waiting. She wants more than a vague memory, and after begging the hall of mirrors, she was left with no answers, all alone. 

It's the longest the Force has ever connected them, and Ben cries with her.

"I've never felt so alone." she can only whisper.

But Ben is here with her. "You're not alone." He's crying for her.

Alone in his own room, on the other side of the galaxy. "Neither are you." 

Ben Organa whose head was turned, Ben who offered her food, Ben who named her porg, Ben whose parents want him home, Ben whose mother was waiting for him. He sheds another tear at her words, he believes her. She can bring him home, his family was waiting for him, and she can be a part of that family. 

Rey lifts her hand towards him, Ben removes his glove and reaches back.

They can visit Han's grave together, work with his mother in the resistance, they can fight the darkness inside them, together.

When their hands' touch, the Force brings visions of the future to Rey. She sees Ben Organa, dressed in white Jedi robes, standing next to her as they fight the First Order. She sees them having dinner with Leia, and images of them training a new generation of Jedi, together. Rey sees her future with him, she knows that he's her family, waiting for her to come. As the visions fade from her eyes, she can see Ben shares the same look as her. She's a part of his future, and he knows it.

Rey moves her hand against his, wanting to hold it, wanting a moment to promise him that she was coming.

But Luke Skywalker comes, and destroys the Hut.

\--

Luke failed Ben Organa, Luke created Kylo Ren. 

Rey felt her hands shake on her lightsaber as she screamed at Luke. She wanted to strike him down as he had attempted to do to Ben all those years ago. She had lashed out, and fear that her rage would take over.

But Rey couldn't, she had to go to Ben.

She had to go.

\--

She finds small drawers on the falcon, faint names carved into the side, some she recognized, others she doesn't. She finds Bens old drawer, and removes the clothes from it. She's dressed in gray, Ben will understand, he'll know she struggles against the dark. Just like him.

\--

She leaves her Porg with Chewie, she knows she won't be gone long.

\--

Ben doesn't smile when he sees her, he wears the mask of Kylo, as she's handcuffed and shoved onto an elevator with him.

He looked so tired, refusing to look at her when she tried to talk to him.

"Ben." He finally dares a glance, afraid of what she might say. "When we touched hands, I saw your future." Images of her hand holding his face were still burned into her brain. "When the time comes...you'll turn..." she promises, stepping closer. "I'll help you." She saw their future, he was intertwined with her soul, he had to turn.

"I saw my own vision of the future." He says, "I know that in the end, you'll be the one to turn." He moves closer "You'll be the one to join the dark."

\--

Snoke falls before them, Rey catches the lightsaber as he wills it to her. She stands before him, unable to control her smile, the details were wrong, but he was still with her.  
Together they slay the red guards, fighting and moving as one. She even tosses him her lightsaber to kill the last guard.

She had turned him, and she would bring him home. Rey races towards him, he extends the lightsaber for her to take, but Rey has had enough of waiting. The Force bridged them for a reason, the Force brought her into a family.

He knows what she's doing, and doesn't stop her. When she kisses him, he wraps his arms around her, holding her tight. Kissing her again when she moves away. Rey watches him smile, see the dimples on his cheek. She kisses him one last time before racing to the window, they still had to save the resistance before they could truly celebrate.

"There's still time, but we have to move fas-" When she turns back to look at him, he's confused. 

\--

She had thought he had turned.

And he thought she had turned.

He tells her what he knows will hurt her. "The darkness has always been there." Rey shakes her head "When your parents sold you-"

"No." 

"-For drinking money," he continues, "In your anger and desperation, you used the Force, and destroyed the ship." Flashes of hazel eyes, blonde hair, and fire. "You came from nothing." She just wants to know what her mother looked like. "You are nothing."

All those nights, waiting, dying, on Jakku. No one was ever coming for her.

"But not to me." He offers out his hand. Kylo could kill his master, but he still can't resist the darkness inside him.

Rey who had killed her own parents, who had attempted to kill him on multiple occasions, had wanted to kill Luke Skywalker.

"Please, Ben." Rey who had her friend Finn to save, who had a porg waiting for her.

"No." Kylo said "We can join together and bring a new order to the galaxy" She wants to take his hand.

"Please don't go this way." but she can't.

"You're still," He was so angry "Holding on! Let go!" Offering her his hand.

Rey couldn't keep herself from crying. She pulls the saber from his belt using the Force, and ignores the heartbreak she sees on his face.

\--

She saves the resistance, without the need of the broken lightsaber she left on the Falcon. Finn runs to her, and she holds her friend, smiling as he whispers about all he needs to tell her. 

They make their way to the ship, as Rey goes to close the door, she feels the all too familiar shift. He is knelt on the ground, lip quivering as he looks at her.  
She couldn't take his hand, he knows that.

Rey whispers his name, and holds out her own hand for him to take. He immediately stands, reaching out, but a ghost pulls on his cloak, and the Force closes them off from each other. 

Someone moves behind Rey as they close the door to the Falcon for her. She's unable to move as the ship leaves the planet. It's only when Finn touches her arm that Rey manages her way into the ship.

He introduces her to Poe, and his new friend Rose.

Behind them, Rey see's Leia sitting alone, on her dead husband's ship. She's sitting alone because Rey had turned her son, but couldn't get him on the ship in time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is gonna have the ending that maybe star wars didn't need, but i wanted. Also smut


	4. Episode IX: The Last Sith

Finn is a wonderful distraction. He's calling her a Jedi, exaggerating to even the witnesses her daring rescue of the resistance. BB-8 rolls around her feet, and Rey takes a knee to observe her droid friend, checking the antenna, caressing the metal.

Above her, Finn and Poe excitedly talk together, with only Finn attempting to include Rey in the conversation. He recants his tale of a casino chase, defeating Phasma, and Rose's daring rescue. Poe tells Finn of his own mistakes on the rebel ship, and about a heroic sacrifice. Poe has his hand on Finn's arm, and through his grim tale, he can not stop smiling at him.

Then they turn their eyes to her, still knelt next to BB-8. They're expecting stories of harsh Jedi training and new stories about Luke Skywalker. Rey thinks that truth has disappointed enough people today, and asks Finn if she can meet Rose.

\--

Rose is awake, but her pain is slowly lulling her to sleep. She attempts to sit upright when she sees Finn, who immediately kneels beside her. 

"Rose," Finn was never one to hide his excitement, even with his back to her, Rey could see his smile. "Rose, this is Rey, my friend."

Rey steps closer, kneeling beside Finn. She's only able to offer a weak greeting.

Rose says, "You saved us, didn't you?" a small tear falls from the corner of her eyes.

"She's a Jedi now," Finn tells Rose. "She's going to save us all."

A large smile appears on Rose's face, Rey can't return it.

\--

She can't avoid Leia, Rey can't even find her voice when Leia stands before her. Rey reaches into her pockets and shows Leia her father's old, broken lightsaber. Leia only eye's it wearily, before turning her attention to Rey's shirt.

Too large for her body, Leia reaches out and gently runs her fingers over the hem of the sleeves. 

A painful reminder to both of them, about the absence in the room.

\--

Time won't move, Rey feels as though she's moving too fast in a room full of corpses. Sometimes Finn comes to her, and though she sees his smile, she can't comprehend his words.

Rey can't escape. Everyone is reaching for her but she can't understand them. As she walks through the Falcon, she sees where Porg nests have already been removed by members of the resistance. She can't steady her breathing as she stumbles to find Chewie. Moving as though someone was holding onto her shoulders, Rey ignores her shaking hands and how harsh the air feels in her lungs.

How long have they been flying? The stars create blue streaks outside of the window. How long have they been moving through hyperdrive?

Chewie is sitting next to Leia, she can't even communicate what she wants, Rey holds out a shaking arm to Chewie. Cold sweat clings the fabric wraps against her arms and hot tears begin to fall down her face. Leia stands and holds on to Rey to steady her. She can feel Finn moving behind her doing the same. Chewie carefully stands and reaches into the small pouch attached to his belt.

Still fat, and not in the best company. Rey feels Leia's hands against her cheek and forehead, asking her if she's alright. Brushing the hair out of her face, trying to catch her tears. Leia was acting like the mother she saw in her vision, and Kylo Ren had cheated her out of it.

\--

They claimed her behavior was due to exhaustion. Due to a lack of cots and room, Rose was more than happy to share her own with Rey. She made no comment about her trembling, nor did she complain about the porg which slept on top of where their hair spilled together. Unlike Rey, Rose drifted in and out of sleep, while awake, she would tell Rey half stories about her life, or anything she thought would distract her enough for sleep to claim her.

Both Finn and Poe sat by the base of their bed, leaning on one another as they attempted to sleep in their uncomfortable position. Everyone had gone more than a day without sleep, and Leia assured everyone that they were only six hours away from their next base. Rey doubted she would be able to sleep even after they arrived.

She wraps her arms tighter around herself, as though she herself could mend what she did not understand.

\--

The Force bends as they land on their new base. A vision of Kylo Ren stands on the ground, his back turned to her. Even from where she stands on the Falcon, Rey can see how tightly he holds his fists to his side. He's ignoring her, and making a show of it. She can see pieces of his action that could remind her of Luke, or Han.

Or even a young Leia.

Rose was adamant that she could walk down the ramp herself, but still, she and Rey wrapped a lone arm around the other, to support them both as they headed down. He didn't turn even as he could likely hear her loud footsteps approach him. He would not look until she was stumbling beyond him. His eyes burning holes into her back.

She didn't stop walking, and he wouldn't stop staring. Not until the Force shut them out once again.

\--

Finn was busy. Poe had wanted him to join him on whatever project or task he was working on, and Finn was too excited to turn down his offer.

So, Rey worked slowly beside Rose, and they helped the resistance settle into their new base. Both weak, doing whatever they could to make the work easier on others. In the end, they were too weak. Together they stumbled under a shaded tree just outside the base. Rose quickly found sleep as Rey sat beside her, unable to find that same relief.

The all too familiar growl crept through her stomach, she was used to hunger, used to suffering. She survived then, and she can survive now.

But there was a dull pain behind her eye that made her question it.

\--

Everyone had a half portion each for dinner. She and Rose ate together, and Finn and Poe joined them.

Finn takes her wrist and tells her that Poe is going to teach him how to fly. Poe smiles next to him, keeping his hand placed on Finn's back. Rey smiles for her friend as Rose congratulates him.

Her friends were happy, and like the selfish person, she is, that happiness gnawed at the ache inside her. She moved her hand to squeeze Finn's, and told him she was proud of him.

\--

There was still a shortage of cots, and Rose was still willing to share with Rey. Rose was a warm and giving woman. She had accepted Rey as a friend without reservation or hesitation. Rey was starting to cling to that, like she always does. She found comfort in shared body heat, and the steady breathing of Rose and her porg next to her.

They weren't alone, however, the breathing of others in the common room could also be heard, solitary coughs here and there. Next to their cot was, of course, Finn and Poe. Rey was surrounded by people who claimed her as a friend, people who wish her health and safety. But there was a weight, pressing against her chest, suffocating her, crushing her to the ground, preventing her from sleeping.

Fighting against the weight, Rey slipped silently out of the cot, and crept her way outside of the base.

Stepping away from smooth flooring, to rough concrete, to the cold, soft soil of the edge of the forest. Small rocks and sharp twigs crunch underneath her bare feet. Burnt and calloused, from her time on Jakku. From where she stood, she could see how the trees and growth only became taller the farther they were in the forest. She could hear slumbering life and restless birds humming. Rey could feel her feet sinking into the dirt. Exhaustion pulled against her body, draping itself against her eyelids, still, sleep would not claim her.

Rey dragged herself into the forest, careful not to lose her way as she attempted a straight line into the darkness. Starlight still found her through open gaps between the tree leaves, and some alien flowers emitted a small glow around her ankles. Light chirping and singing from nocturnal animals. The slight wind was a cool caress against her skin. Rey could feel the Force vibrating in the forest, humming and bending.

Forming a bridge.

She'd been too tired to recognize what the Force was doing until the very moment he appeared. He had been in the process of removing his waist belt, now he stood frozen before her. The purple bags under his eyes were far more pronounced than she had ever seen them. Exhaustion held him down just as it did her.

"Are you alone?" His voice was gruff, he was holding something back from her.

Her own voice was raspy, "Yes."

He didn't hesitate to lunge at her. Gripping her shoulders, attempting to pin her against something she couldn't see. Rey broke free of his grasp, shoving him away from her. It was a pathetic fight. They were both too tired to put forth any real effort. One would grab and the other would shove. His hair spilling over his face, obstructing his vision, Rey attempting to navigate the forest floor without her sight or her shoes.

Rey thought about swinging a tree branch at him, but her movements, like his, were clumsy. This was nothing more than a child's fight between them. Kylo likely had the advantage of fighting Rey in a familiar space, Rey struggled and eventually was tripped for foreign tree stumps and branches. Kylo didn't hesitate to hover over her, pinning her wrists to the forest floor.

"Why did you run!" He couldn't hide the desperation from his voice. "I offered you the galaxy and you ran!" If she had the energy, Rey could have easily broken his hold on her; but she could feel him shake above her. He was cracking, desperation, and rage overflowing within him. He was drowning, just like her.

"I offered you a way home!" She challenged, ignoring the solitary tear she felt slash against her forehead. "You were too selfish to take my hand!" His grip on her wrists tightened.

The dim light from the flowers exposed a small tremor in his jaw. "I'm selfish!" His voice cracked "You stole my grandfathers' lightsaber, ran away with my," He pauses

"You could have joined me, but you were too obsessed with ruling the galaxy!" She couldn't hide her own pain from him, finally pulling against where he pinned her wrists

"I made all the sacrifices! I killed the supreme leader for you!" He was raising his voice.

She screamed back "I crossed the galaxy for you!" Kylo pressed his face closer to hers.

"You left me for dead in that throne room." His voice was deep, almost unrecognizable. 

She remembered, after the lightsaber had broken in half, both of them were launched to opposite ends of the room. The floor's friction against her skin threatened to rip open her flesh. Rey was quick to stand on her feet, awaiting Kylo to stand, and launch into another fight.

But Kylo didn't move, Rey only waited for another heartbeat before racing to him. He was laying flat on his back, Rey pulled on his shoulders before reaching for his face. An unspeakable fear raced through her, until he fluttered his eyes for only a moment, before closing them again. She brushed her thumb over his cheek.

Whispering his name, but he would not wake. She could still feel that his life force was strong. Rey attempted to pull him into her arms. If she could get him into an escape pod, maybe he would understand that she was bringing him home. 

She struggled too greatly, holding his weight, and then attempted to drag him. After a few steps, Rey had to confront the fact, she could not bring him with her. Her tears fell onto his face and brushed down his cheek. Rey placed a light kiss against his hair, and placed him back on the ground. Scrambling to find both halves of the saber, and make her escape.

She did leave him to die. They can both add that as another attempt she made against his life.

Kylo continued speaking when Rey couldn't. "You are so blind to the darkness in you, I could have helped you control it." 

She doesn't want to think about the darkness. She doesn't want to think about him teaching her. She doesn't want to think about what would have happened if she had taken his hand.

"Get off me." She pushes again, and Kylo removes himself.

His face is bitter. "I hope you're happy with your resistance." his voice matches his face. 

"I am." She's unsure if she's lying. "I'm headed back now." Rey heaves herself off of the ground, brushing dirt and loose leaves off of her.

She looks to find the path she took, but every direction looks too familiar and strange. Rey looks to the ground for footprints, but the light is too dull, she faces the sky, but the constellations are covered and foreign.

Still on the ground, Kylo snorts in disbelief. "Are you, lost?" Rey refuses to look at him.

"It's just dark." She defends. If Rose notices her absence, she trusts that she'll come to find her. "Someone will come for me." Rose is still injured, and just as unfamiliar with the forest as she.

Kylo hoists himself up next to her. "Right." No dirt clings to him as he stands. "I'm sure FN-2817 will be right to the rescue."

"His name is Finn." She hisses at him. Kylo lets out a deep breath. 

He changes the subject back. "Can you not see your old footprints?" Rey shakes her head, hoping that it's light enough for wherever he is to see. "That dark." 

She feels that part of him she likes starts to creep out. The man who offered her food, and helped her name a porg. Kylo reaches for something she can't see, until his saber is visible in his hands. Rey should be scared as he ignites it. Filling the surrounding area in a harsh red glow. He points his saber to the ground, moving it slowly, giving her all the time she needed to find her path.

Past where their fight had occurred, laid her lone footsteps. Rey points the way to him, Kylo turns to her, pauses, then says "I'll walk with you."

The Force cut them off after only a few steps. Rey couldn't stop herself from reaching out to grasp at the air.

\--

The base is still asleep when she returns, but Rose lays awake, waiting for her.

Rey can only offer her some lame excuse as she slides next to her in their shared cot. Rose smiles against the growing light, places her hand over Rey. "I got you something." She says, Rose reaches next to her and holds up a glass. "It's what my sister and I used to give each other to drink when we had trouble sleeping." Rose extends the glass to her.

A smile tugs at Rey as she takes a small sip, its warm and sweet, soothing her throat. She takes a larger drink before handing the glass back to Rose. As Rey lays her head down she says "Thank you, Rose."

"I can stay awake," She replies, "while you sleep. If that will make you feel safer." She gently squeezed Rey's hand.

Rey squeezes back. "Thank you." She choaks on her words. Rose doesn't let go of her hand, until she finally falls asleep.

\--

Kylo has returned to ignoring her. Three separate Force chats occur without him saying a word to her. Rey ignores him in return, going about the chaotic days of settling the resistance into a new base.

Leia has approached Rey, asking about her plans to build her own lightsaber. She had watched Luke build his own lightsaber, and is willing to share her own knowledge of where Rey could start. She gives her paper to start planning on a design and tells Rey that the resistance will help her find any supplies she needs.

They have so much faith in her. Still calling her a Jedi, despite her nonverbal protests. Encouraging meditations, and private training with droids. Rey's had quite enough alone time, and Rose is more than happy to join her. 

When she's not working on a career she has no future in, Rey helps Rose with whatever task she's been assigned. Chasing deserters, and fixing parts and droids. They also spend time watching from a distance as Poe teaches Finn the basics of flying. They extended an unspoken invitation to Rey to join them inside the ship, but Rey isn't confident that she wouldn't flee the planet.

When they all dine together, Finn and Poe don't hide their hand touching and lingering glances. More relaxed around their friends, their relationship is quiet, not hidden. One afternoon Rey decides to ask Finn, who struggles himself to define it. "It's like our relationship, but" pauses, then says "He's my," smiling "best friend." 

Rey knew it was more than that, she wondered if Finn was just afraid to vocalize the full truth. So much had been kept from and taken from him. Fully acknowledging what Poe was to him could only end in him eventually losing him. Rey pulls Finn into a tight hug.

"I'm so happy for you." She means it. There was one thing going right in the galaxy, and her friend deserved to be loved.

\--

Rey lightly worried that Rose would be hurt by Finn and Poe's relationship, but she was overjoyed for her friends. Privately congratulating them separately, holding them, wishing them the best. Rose was so full of love and affection. Eager to hold those she cares for, like Finn, she reaches out to hold the hand of whoever she's walking next to. Rey knew that Finn reached out to others after a lifetime of touch deprivation, Rose wanted to reach out to share love.

A firm hold on her hand grounded her. Kept her from screaming. Everyone kept looking at her, looking to her, awaiting wise Jedi guidance, a plan of action. Rey had nothing to offer them. She wanted to become what they needed, but she was just a child playing pretend. One afternoon while training with a small blaster droid, her rage overcame her once again. Smashing the droid to the ground, continuing to pound its metallic corpse with her staff repeatedly.

Rose placed a delicate hand on her upper back, finally causing Rey to still her actions. Her friends could see the grand cracks that were beginning to overtake her composure. A choked sob escaped Rey as Rose slowly wrapped her arms around her friend.

\--

Kylo continued to ignore her. Rey considered throwing something at him. Demanding his attention. 

But there was always someone just behind her, either a friend or a member of the resistance. Sometimes Leia was watching her, worried about the fractured woman they called the last Jedi. Perhaps it was best that Kylo ignored her. 

They wouldn't have been able to do anything else.

\--

She does eventually throw something at him. Rose was off helping Finn and Poe with something, and Rey found herself alone, wandering up a small hill that reminded her of where Luke lived. The island she dreamed of, and it's never ending ocean.

She came to meditate, but the sun is too warm against her face and her porg is loudly chewing his food. The Force bends and bridges them together, humming against her skin, almost comforting. 

He's starting to look more rested, the purple that hung under his eyes were becoming paler; the scare she gave him was also more pink than red now. Kylo was fairing better than she was, and that made her blood boil.

"Are you alone?" She mimicked the words he had said to her weeks ago. His eyebrow twitched. They hadn't spoken in so long, he clearly had not expected them to start anew now. 

His eyes dart around in a room she can not see. Rey wonders what she will do if he ignores her still, she also wonders how the first order would react to an invisible enemy attacking their new Supreme Leader. Kylo finally looks back to her, giving her a curt nod. "There's only service droids."

Good.

Her hands quickly find pathetic rocks to begin flinging at him, aiming for his chest and his face. Kylo flinches at first, but doesn't move as she continues her tantrum. Tears prick at her eyes as Rey searches for something larger, quickly ripping off her show, Rey hurls it at him. Her shoe emits a pleasant 'wack' sound as it hits him between his right shoulder and chest. Kylo catches her shoe before it falls to the ground. His shirt and sleeve fall apart where her shoe had hit. Rey can hear faint echoes of pins hitting the ground.

Observing his outfit, new fabric, rough, not attached to anything. He was only with service droids. "Are you having an outfit tailored!" Rey accuses as she moves to throw her other shoe.

Kylo launches her shoe back at her "I'm the Supreme Leader now, in case you forgot!" They very much sound like children, defensive, and bratty.

Rey aims at his face as she throws her other shoe. Kylo returns fire with pin cushions and when he isn't satisfied with their result, he unthinkingly throws something larger. The hilt of his lightsaber bangs against the center of Rey's chest. She clutches the area of impact, his saber tangling in her arms. She sees his look of panic before the Force connection ends,

and she's left alone with his weapon.

\--

She doesn't head back to base, she knows she wouldn't be able to hide Kylo's lightsaber from anyone. She wouldn't be able to explain to her friends how it came into her possession, and she wouldn't want to see Leia's face if she knew about anything she has hidden from her.

Rey stays in place, sometimes pacing, sometimes sitting next to her porg. No matter how still she was, no matter how little movement she made, her pounding heart wouldn't ease. Chewing on her thumbnail, Rey would wait however long she needed to, until Kylo stood before her again.

The weight was unbearable where it laid against her thigh. Rey had to move it into her hands, where she could feel the groves and exposed wires. She thinks about the last time she had held it, moving it away from her body, Rey ignites it once again. Chaotic, rippling, a blinding red glow. She thinks about the throne room, her hands start to shake as she wills away the light.

What happened all those weeks ago was only a painful memory, one which still loudly haunted her. Rey distracts herself by studying Kylo's saber, as though it could tell her how she could go about building her own. Leia had told her exactly where to start, and they had the supplies, and a broken kyber crystal. She couldn't avoid creating her own lightsaber, but doing so would continue to support the narrative that she was a Jedi, which she was not.

His lightsaber was not a complicated design, the addition of the cross guards were simple enough to add. She noticed the kyber crystal, a sickly shade of red and orange, was cracked. Rey wondered if he intentionally chose a broken one, or if, like her, he had no choice in the decision.

The sun was beginning to set and darkness rose from the other side of the planet. Rey worried that if the Force did not connect them soon, someone may come looking for her. The stars were dimly shining in the night sky, growing brighter as the moments passed.

Finally, the comforting connection greeted her once again. He was dressed in a familiar outfit, holding onto his datapad, she would think he a pleasant image of a memory, if it had not been for the angry, panicked, look he gave her.

Rey wordlessly extended his saber back to him, Kylo reached out but hesitated to grab it. She stepped closer, and when he still paused, she took another step closer. He didn't know what to make of the situation, she could almost hear how his mind was reeling, looking for answers even she could not give him.

She could have thrown it off a cliff, or kept it as her own weapon.

But here she stood, returning it to her enemy. Kylo finally gently moved, careful not to touch her skin as he placed his hand on his weapon. They didn't need more visions of the future, they didn't need a reminder of the future they deprived each other of. When Rey began to remove her hand, Kylo placed his saber back onto his belt, keeping a steady hand on it.

There was a slight tilt to his head, as though he were considering if he should thank her or not. "Don't thank me or anything." Rey shuts her eyes as she stumbles over her words. "I'm to create my own, I've no need for yours." She keeps her eyes closed, she doesn't want to see how he would look at her.

"Yeah," His voice was awkward, like hers, "good luck with that." but still genuine.

The Forces once again tears them apart, allowing Rey to finally return.

\--

Rey's showing Finn drawings of her idea for a lightsaber when he tells her the news. Resistance spied in the First Order are few and far between, but they've been receiving steady news about other stormtroopers who were unwilling to follow orders. They've recovered information about the location of one of the re-education camps the First Order sent their disobedient soldiers.

Finn wanted to save them, and show them there was another way.

He and Poe had already received approval from General Organa. Rose was already packing a beg to join them, and Finn was asking her to join. Rey looked down at her plans for her new weapon. She had everything she needed to start working, and she had between now, and when their ship arrived to complete it.

A rescue mission to save those who could lead a better life. Her friends were all going, and Finn needed her.

Rey rushed to find the supplies she needed, and headed to the Falcon.

\--

She should have thought her plan through more. She had worked on more aggressive projects on shorter time whenever Urkar had demanded it, but right now she was handling a weapon she had never wielded before.

A dual-ended lightsaber. She ignited two purple rays of chaotic light, crackling and loudly humming. Her kyber crystal was broken and cracked, like his, so of course, their lightsabers would match in some way.

Finn placed a careful hand on her shoulder as he observed her new weapon. With awe in his voice, he asked "What does the purple light mean?"

Leia had gone over every color she and Luke had learned about when he was building his own lightsaber. The purple glow was another confirmation that the dark side was calling her, possibly building inside her.

She wouldn't lie to her friend, but she wouldn't tell him the truth either.

\--

Finn's rescue mission was a success, possibly the most successful mission the resistance had seen in a while. They left with no casualties, minimal injuries, and thirty-seven former stormtroopers willing to join the resistance.

They cheered Finn's name when they all arrived back at the base. He kept the crowd moving as he continued to help all he rescued adjust to their new home. When he appeared to have one free moment, Rey and Rose rushed him, pulling him into a hug. Finn's grip on them was tight, as he whispered 'I did it.' repeatedly.

Letting go of Finn was difficult, but he had to keep moving. Rose locked their arms together as she and Rey watched Finn lead the new recruits to the common area, where they could rest. Just in the distance she can see and hear Poe as he excitedly reports the entire mission to Leia, who can't hide her smile.

\--

She shouldn't have wandered off alone, but she was curious if he would comment on what happened. She didn't know if he would be angry with her, but as the Force moved and hummed around her, she felt the old, curious aura that usually belonged to him.

"Impressive." He wasn't angry. "I hear you finally built your own saber." Kylo was never the best at attempting conversation, and Rey wasn't the best at participating at them.

Rey reached slowly for her weapon, holding it a safe distance between them. The purple light washed over them, as it danced and flickered across his face, she remembered their old fight, and how their crossed sabers bathed them in a similar light. The memory hurt her, and Rey attempted to push it aside, instead of focusing on showing him how she could lock it in place so that the twin purple beams were side by side, and then flick it gently so that they were once again at opposing ends.

There was a small tug on his lips, a whispering smile, a shadow of what she had seen after she kissed him.

He wasn't looking at her saber, his eyes were fixed on her face, waiting for the right words to say, not saying what he wants. "It," Pauses, then says "suits you."

She doesn't thank him, doesn't see why she should, but Rey finds herself unable to look upon his face after his compliment. The absence of the purple light enhances the dark shadows that replace it. 

"I," As always, Kylo extends more effort than her. He speaks first, he steps first. He killed his master, he reached out first. Wasn't afraid to beg when she continued to hesitate. "I hope you'll forgive me," he says "if I don't want you to extend my congratulations to," Kylo takes a short pause "Finn."

He's reaching out in a different way, the light inside of him still making surprise appearances. He had called her friend by his name. Kylo always extended more effort than her.

And he had called her friend by his name.

Her feet move though she is uncertain, Kylo does not flinch or attempt to guard himself. Opposite ends. Just like her lightsaber. Opposite ends of the war. 

Opposite ends of the galaxy.

Rey reaches into her pocket, feels the familiar, fat, feathered presence. She pulls out her sleeping porg, extending him to Kylo, who looks down at him and back to her. "Would you like to," maybe she was being foolish, "would you like to watch him?" but the flickering light she saw in him was blinding. "Just until, the Force connects us again."

Kylo doesn't give her any verbal response, he raises a delicate, gloved hand; Rey gently places the animal in his palm, reaching back into her pocket, to sprinkle a handful of seeds and berries next to her porg. 

Not another word passes between them. They stand, frozen, before one another. Until the connection fades. No fear builds in Rey, no doubts or questions. Only the seeds of hope, for what the future Forcebond would bring.

\--

If Rose notices the absent porg, she says nothing. Rey slides next to her, awaiting sleep to claim her. There's still a shortage of cots and sleeping space, everyone is sharing when they can. Leia only questioned her once, if she would like her own, private, area. Rey was their Jedi, the resistance found hope in her only because they had no where else to look.

She immediately rejected the idea, after spending countless nights alone on Jakku, she couldn't imagine sleeping in a room alone. Even if the presence of others could be suffocating at times, Rey feared what a night without others would do to her.

Leia respected her decision, but she could see how the others looked at her, holding her on top of an unearned pedestal. They would push her into isolation, thinking it a reward.

\--

"How was your night?" She was whispering, too close to the base, she had to be careful. The morning suns were rising, a golden glow and cool breeze welcomed the new day.

Kylo still held her porg, using his thumb to gently pet his stomach. "It's only been an afternoon." He said, keeping his eyes on the porg. "He slept the entire time, woke up for a bit and ate, then fell back asleep."

Rey smiled too broadly, "He does that."

As he passed the animal back to her, their bare skin touched again. The vision was less intense, but the same. She saw a mother in Leia, a life on the Falcon, and a future with Ben. Rey knew that the vision she saw couldn't come true, and it wasn't like the vision Kylo saw. They were depriving the other of something. After the Force separates them, Rey can feel her shared longing, on the other side of existence.

\--

Rose tells Rey about her childhood, and about her sister. There had been hints, small pieces of a sad story found in casual conversation. Rey cried with her friend as she revealed the cruel bits, memories that follow and haunt a person. 

"I used to sleep outside, my sister would always follow me." Rose held on tight to the necklace she always wore. "We were always, always trapped in those mines. The dust clinging to our skin, trapped underneath our nails," Her voice wavers. "coating our lungs." Rose's free hand reached out to hold her throat, swallowing as though she could choke on the memory of the dust.

"I would push, and race to the surface. Whenever the lights flickered, even if just for less than a heartbeat." She sniffled. "The darkness of the mine traps you. Body and soul." Her eyelids flutter as she tilts her head out of the shade. "When I had the chance to run, I took it. Every single time. My sister always next to me."

"I thought the distant stars were blinding. We would collapse on the ground that was somehow colder than the mine, breathing air so fresh and pure that it burnt our lungs." Rose then moved her position, adjusting her shirt so that her shoulder was bare. "There were consequences." Old burn marks lined her shoulder. "They used the same voltage against us and the animals they commanded."

Rose gave herself time to breathe, "My sister would always hold my hand. She'd give me the smallest smile, and it'd be enough... to push through another day." tears fell from her eyes. "We were," shakes her head "so, completely, defenseless. The resistance gave us our escape," her lip tremors "but there are still children, just like us, defenseless."

"When she died." Her voice pitched and cracked. "When she died, it was like the galaxy was screaming. I could feel her fear as death approached and," Her breathing quickens "I could hear her, telling me to live on."

Finally, Rey reaches to hold her friend's hand, Rose welcomes the contact, and squeezes her hand. "They denied us of our humanity, and they deprive themselves of their humanity by doing nothing to help." Rose took a steady breath as her tears slowed. "I want to do what Finn's doing. I want to protect those who can't protect themselves."

Her tears only slowed for a moment, before returning in full again.

A soft, sorrowful moment in their friendship. Once Rose had finished sharing everything she had wanted to, Rey felt the urge to return her trust. For the first time, Rey wanted to vocalize the pain she carried with her. She was starting to become a version of herself that could acknowledge what she didn't want to.

But at this moment, Rose needed a friend. So Rey swallowed her words, and held her friend.

\--

Rey started to notice that she wasn't present when she was needed. Her body was where it needed to be, and she could see her surroundings and hear the chatter and the noise; but she struggled to comprehend what she was being told, Rey very much felt like a child, who needed to be repeatedly scolded, and told what to do.

\--

Finn lead another successful liberation mission. More injuries, more rescues, and still no casualties. For the first time since learning about their relationship, Rey sees Finn and Poe kiss. Poe had a lovestruck look stuck on his face, overflowing with love and pride. 

Beside her, Rey can feel Rose's smile without looking. There was one good thing occurring in the galaxy.

\--

His hair was longer. She tentatively reached out and held a small lock of his hair between her fingers. They avoided eye contact, they were standing too close and too far apart.

"I've been meaning to get it cut." He mumbles. His hair was longer, it must have been difficult for him to fight, she had seen how his hair would spill over his face, obstructing his vision. The new length must be slowly becoming a nightmare to deal with. 

Long hair looks good on him, she wonders if he would braid it if it became any longer. "I think it quite suits you." She considers brushing the lock behind his ear.

"Thank you." His voice is quiet.

\--

She hears talk around the base. The First Order is steadily losing its footing. Losing more battles than they ever had before. Falling short, with no signs of composure to come. Poe laughs and tells another pilot that they have the 'Shit show of a Supreme Leader' to thank.

Rey refuses to eat dinner that night, wanting to avoid his company at all cost. She tells Rose she isn't hungry.

Rose doesn't believe her.

\--

There is so much they refuse to talk about. So they often settle on trivial facts and old stories they had heard before.

Rey talks about fixing droids, a conversation Kylo is easily able to follow. Nodding at what he already knows, asking questions about what he doesn't. She then tells him about what the inside of old Empire ships and AT-AT walkers look like. Only shadows of what they would have been decades ago, still, he asks many questions, and values everything she tells him.

Kylo tells her about the different astrological charts for several separate planets. Going into great detail about how the various cultures on the planets placed their beliefs into their star charts. She had never been to any of the planets he spoke about. Rey considered questioning him about Jakku's stars, but even their memory hurt. So she listens to how hope can be placed in the stars.

He becomes more passionate when talking about one of the planets, shadows of a smile playing on his lips, a twinkle in his eyes that wasn't there before.

"Is that where you grew up?" Rey asks when she feels the timing is right. 

A sadness she doesn't understand weighs on his shoulders at his question. He isn't upset with her, this was an old sorrow, catching him off guard.

"No," He says, "I've never been to Alderaan."

\--

Rose thinks the name sounds familiar, but can't tell her anything about the planet. Poe overhears the question, and answers what Rose couldn't. He speaks with only respect for General Organa, the former princess of Alderaan. Poe doesn't hide his distaste when Kylo Ren eventually becomes a subtopic in their conversation.

"Prince 'not-so' Charming is leading the First Order to the doom." He laughs. Poe is charming, and contagious. Finn holds his hand over Poes and smiles, Rose lets out a small laugh.

Rey only grows colder. "He's truly a prince?" That truth was somewhere in her mind, waiting for her to acknowledge it.

Poe rolls his eyes. "Double royalty." He says, "His mother was the princess of Alderaan," Pauses for dramatic effect. "and his grandmother was queen," Waits. "of Naboo."

In another life, Ben Organa would be a royal prince, following the lead of his mother. Holding his head high at senate meetings, easily controlling his emotions when dealing with difficult situations. Small braids in his hair, his hands clean of blood.

In this life, Kylo Ren was perched on a feared throne, failing to rule a galaxy, being mocked by the company she was keeping. 

\--

Rey stops eating dinner, she can't explain her absence to Rose.

\--

He brings her a gift. A small paper book, a personal copy of his. Kylo tells her that she might enjoy it. Rey holds it close to her chest, handling it as though it were the most delicate item in the galaxy.

When their connection ends, Rey scrambles to find a gift herself. She races to the shore, fighting against the water as it slashes and pulls at her. Close to the riptide, she finds a thick piece of sea glass, green as life, like a tree leaf. Rey pulls a small coil wrap from her sack, and aggressively wraps it around the delicate rock, poorly attempting to create a large circular opening below it.

As though the Force were waiting for her to finish, Kylo returns the moment she finishes her work. Pulling herself from the ground, Rey moves his arm for him. Removing his glove, placing one hand under his and her other hand works her makeshift ring onto his pointer finger. 

When she lowers her hands from his, Kylo raises his hand, he trails a soft brush down her cheek, before tucking her hair behind her ear. The loose coil on the ring scratches her as his hand hovers, wanting more.

Both wanting more.

\--

Poe was a good man, doing far more for the resistance than Rey could ever dream of. Favored by Leia, loved by his fellow pilots. He had a joyful laugh, and was so willing to help anyone with anything they needed. BB-8 usually preferred his company, and joined him on every mission. 

He was allowed full access to the Falcon, and loved to fly with both Finn and Chewie. Sometimes Rose joined them. Rey used to, but she couldn't stomach it anymore.

Finn and Rose loved Poe, and they had every reason to. Finn truly loved Poe. They had stopped keeping their relationship a secret. Finn had told her that he had been waiting his whole life to find Poe, and the galaxy would not be able to separate them now.

Poe was a good man, worthy of all the love he received. The hatred in Rey screamed otherwise. Pure, irrational darkness scrapped at her brain. The rage that lingered behind her sorrow was burning her alive.

It was better to avoid Poe entirely, she thought.

\--

She was isolating herself, and Rose, the true friend she was, sought her out. Sitting together, underneath an alien willow tree, pale purple flowers flowing from its branches. Rose laid a calm palm on Rey's back.

She wondered what Rose would think about her Forcebond with Kylo. If she would listen to this painful longing Rey herself couldn't understand, or if she would scorn her.

Rose was loving, but even she had limits to what her friends could get away with. There's no way she could tell her about Kylo.

So she tells Rose about Jakku. She spills and spills. Memories she never wanted to see the light of day, things she thought in her most desperate moments. The stolen moments with scavengers and moments she had buried. Buried like the graves of other children she had dug. Hysterical sobs overcame Rey. She hadn't known how much she forced herself to forget. Her panic caused a disturbance in the Force, she could see how the ground shook and trees began to collapse.

Rose flung her arms around Rey, willing calm and peace into the situation. Rey clung to her friend. The Force eased at Rose's command, who continued to hold Rey as she continued to shake and sob.

They stayed like that for longer than it should have been. Rey had told Rose everything and it had broken her.

Told her everything except.

\--

Kylo already knew. Still, when Rey grabbed a fist full of his shirt, burying her face into his chest, he placed a delicate hand on her back.

She tells him what she remembers, flashes of blonde hair, hazel eyes, freckles on a face she can't remember. Back then she remembered, she knew what her mother looked like, what her voice sounded like, how it felt when she held her. Rey reached out, wanting nothing more than her mother to hold her again. She felt the heat from the explosion even from a great distance away.

Urkar laughing as she screamed, pulling out his datapad, talking about getting his credits back.

The truth would have destroyed her. So she erased it from her reality. Convinced herself someone would return for her, that her mother would hold her again, one day. Told herself whatever she had to, so she would remain complacent.

She had killed her own parents.

Kylo wraps a stronger hold around her just before her knees give out. She's screaming into his chest. His hold on her is the only thing keeping her from falling through the planet, and then into the vacuum of space. He's trying to ease them both onto the ground.

But the Forcebond ends, and Rey hits solid ground.

\--

Rose starts eating her meals with Rey, separated from the rest of the base. Rose makes conversation by telling Rey the different kinds of minerals that could be found on various planets. Rey tells Rose about constellations of planets she's never been to.

As they continue talking, Rey can hear Rose scrape her utensil's round and round her cup, but when Rey looks closer she sees that Rose is only twirling her finger, and the metal is moving on her will. Rey glances at Rose's face, talking about sea glass she's found on the nearby beach, completely oblivious to her use of the Force.

\--

She watches Rose closer now, and sees what everyone else is blind to. The way the Force reacts to Rose is so small that it's nearly undetectable. Items subtly shifting and drifting away, drooping branches slightly lifting themselves when she passes. 

The way she always knew the right time to reach out when others needed her. The way she had calmed the Force when Rey's will would have destroyed part of the forest. The way she felt her sister's passing, and felt her last moments.

Rose was more than Force sensitive, she could use the Force with an unknowing ease.

\--

Rey holds Rose's hand as they walk past the forest, into a secluded clearing. At her urging, Rose packed up their portions and followed Rey away from the base. Laying down her cowl, placing their food and her porg gently on top of it, Rey stops Rose from sitting.

"I have something to tell you," Rey thought about what she would say, but still fumbled over her words. "Rose, it's very important that you listen, with an open heart."

A worried look clouds her face, but she nods. "I'm here, Rey." 

She pulls a small piece of sea glass from her pocket, extends her hand, showing Rose. "I need you to look at this, study it."

After a long moment, Rose looks back at Rey, waiting for her next words.

Her heartbeat was growing louder. "Now close your eyes," Rose does as she asks, taking in a breath as she does. "and imagine it floating."

There's a small twitch at her eyebrow, but Rose makes no comment. Her lips slightly part, moments later the sea glass lifts from Rey's fingers, hovering higher and higher into the air. When the sea glass becomes eye level, She can't hold back her smile.

"Open your eyes." Rose doesn't immediately understand what has occurred when she looks at Rey, but she follows her gaze to an empty palm, then to the small, floating object that was now floating above their heads.

\--

The Force awakens in Rose differently than it did in Rey. Whereas Rey seemingly ripped open a deeply repressed connection to Force, Rose seemed to ease in her place. Being welcomed into a quiet power that had moved through her like air.

They stayed in their clearing, quickly eating, Rose attempted to float everything within reach. Joyful tears fell from her eyes on occasion. Rey tried to think back to the lessons of Lukes she had failed. She encouraged mediation, and repeated words she only vaguely remembered. Pushing the balance between light and dark.

Rey told Rose everything she understood about the Force, and as the suns set, and stars blanketed them, sleep began to tempt them, but they both pushed, until Rey had nothing else to share, nothing else to attempt to teach.

Rose would have to build a lightsaber, they would need to find a kyber crystal. The quicker they got Rose a weapon, they could spar together. Rose could help shoulder the burden.

Rose could be someone who didn't disappoint the resistance.

\--

They slept in the clearing, too tired to think about walking back to base. Sleeping beside her friend, her porg tangled in their hair. Stars shining bright above them, Rey's weary eyes searched for shapes, mapping her own constellations, thinking about what meaning they hold on the planet.

Though sleep was moments from claiming her, the Force connected them. She wanted to tell him everything, run out of earshot, and tell him about Rose, but the weight of sleep was too strong, while her mind was screaming for her body to move, her body was very content where it was.

Kylo lowers himself to sit next to her, close enough that Rey can feel the light press of his thigh against her back. He brushes her hair behind her neck, and presses down on her pulse, letting out a sigh of relief as her heart beats steadily against his fingertips.

The Force doesn't steal him from her until after she's fallen asleep.

\--

Rose tell's Leia first. The General gave her a delighted smile, pulling Rose into a hug. Poe, as always, was near. He didn't hesitate to raise his hands into the air, cheering. Once Rose was free of Leia's embrace, Poe pulled her into another one.

Leia comes to stand beside Rey, reaching out to hold her hand. Leia wears an infectious smile. "We'll have to find her a kyber crystal, and get some material so you two can have your own Jedi robes."

Rey was still wearing her clothes from the throne room. After a lifetime of wearing rags and dirty old clothes, she couldn't think about what new kind of outfit she would like. 

As though reading her mind, Leia says "I have a few ideas, I'll get concept sketches your way in another day or so." Rey smiles and holds on tighter to Leia's hand.

There was still celebration going on, as the news spread quickly through the base. The resistance had: Poe, the best pilot this side of the galaxy, Finn, leading a stormtrooper rebellion, and now they had Rose, someone worthy of the Jedi title.

\--

They continue to avoid acknowledging everything that may lead to an argument, Rey knows telling him about Rose would betray the resistance, and remind them about the war which separates them.

She and Kylo were very skilled at ignoring things, experts at playing pretend, convincing themselves of what was easier to believe; and if they couldn't get what they wanted, they would settle for scraps.

So when the Force connects them once again, Rey asks if he would be willing to braid her hair. Kylo gives her a light smile, moving to sit behind her. Raising his arm, beckoning something she can not see to him, the small pouch only becomes visible to her once he physically touches it, placing it in her lap, pulling combs and small ties from within it.

As he brushes her hair, a vague memory, a phantom feeling comes to her. "I think my mother used to do this." She shares, "Maybe not the braiding, but, I think she used to brush my hair, humming while she did." Rey thinks about how she used to wear her hair in three buns, every day since she had arrived on Jakku, her mother must have been the one to style her hair that way. "I think she did love me, even if," Old hurt emerges, "even if she sold me."

Kylo sets the comb onto her lap, his hands are bare, and he's wearing the ring she made him. "I remember when I was seven," His voice was light. "I was having trouble sleeping, my mom, found me in the kitchenette at some unforgivable hour for a child." He was careful not to pull on her hair as he started to braid. "I thought she would be upset, but she just started a make a plate of fruit for us. Once that was over, we went into her room. My dad," Kylo swallows there. "He was gone on, business. So my mom and I climbed on to her bed, she let me braid her hair, until I fell asleep."

"She had a Senate meeting, and other affairs to attend to, she was likely rushing to get ready when I finally fell asleep." There was a soft hum, a smile to his voice. "When she came back home, her hair was full of neat braids on one side, and sloppy braids on the other side, most falling apart. I always liked it, when she wore whatever horrible braid I placed in her hair out."

He had stopped braiding, but kept running his fingers through her hair. Finally, he removes his hand. "There." He says, "Nothing too fanciful." Rey turns to look at him, but Kylo is sitting too close, her forehead gently brushes his nose, his lips are eye level, and she can't look at them.

She studies his clothing instead. At some point, he had finally donned the new wardrobe of Supreme Leader. His shirt resembled black velvet, with leather sleeves attached, the cape attached to this shoulders was transparent, it depicted a night sky with a dim constellation. A star system was resting on his shoulders. Fitting, since he sought to rule the galaxy. The outfit didn't inspire fear, she thought it was more fitting of royalty, which he was.

Rey places a hand over his chest, rubbing her thumb across the soft fabric. Leaning slightly back, she looks into his eyes. "This outfit is very pretty on you." Kylo has a hint of humor in his eyes at her comment, but still just a shadow of a smile. She longs to see him smile again.

A lone soft kiss between them, he smiles and holds on to her tighter, but it isn't enough.

She kisses him again, firmer this time. Raising her hand from his chest to cup his face. His arms pull her closer, keeping his kisses soft. Rey pushes into him as she grabs on to the back of his neck, daring to run her tongue over his lower lip. His breath is warm against hers, welcoming her to him. Kylo pulls her closer, a strangled sound escaping him.

Rey pulls away, wanting to see him smile, but Kylo peppers kisses across her face, her nose, and along her jawline. Sweet, soft, and desperate. She follows in turn, aiming her kisses on his freckles and moles, down his scar. Pressing her lips against his a few more moments but breaking, attempting to hold him back.

His eyes are glowing, closing them and releasing a small laugh. The smile stretches across his whole face, Rey leans back in and kisses where his dimples show themselves. There's been too much longing between them. Kylo holds her again, in a tight embrace, burying his face in her shoulder. Rey closes her eyes, running her fingers through his hair. A breeze passes by and she can feel how it gently moves him against her.

\--

She and Rose leave the planet, hunting for a kyber crystal. Leia had been more than helpful, writing lists of planets and locations that they would look to. Rey set their course for the very first listing. She was once again trusted to fly the Falcon, Rose sat beside her in the passenger seat. Unable to hold in her excitement, legs bouncing as she played with Porg.

Behind them, they could hear happy beeps from BB-8. Both Finn and Poe had offered to join them, but this was a special Jedi mission. That's what Rose had told them when Rey hesitated to accept their offer.

Finn and Poe deserved a few days together, without worrying about the First Order blowing them out of the sky. The stars around them turn into pale blue streaks, as the Falcon vibrates into hyperdrive.

\--

The first planet they land on is entirely unfamiliar to them, with the exception of its stars. The night sky hangs above them as Rey points out all the shapes she had heard about to Rose. Both brimming with excitement, racing out into the planet, despite the darkness, BB-8 quickly rolling behind them.

The sand of Tatooine flowed around them, lightly reminding Rey of Jakku. But the air wasn't freezing in the nighttime and Rey wasn't alone. 

\--

Rey and Rose wandered through the night and all through the next day, as the twin suns rose and began to set. As the stars made their appearance, Rey once again identified the shapes, and the meanings attached to them.

They've made camp for the night, laying on the soft sand, stomachs full from the full portion they shared. BB-8 had demanded the first watch, and they didn't see any reason to argue.

Rey runs her hand over the soft sand, just slightly less coarse than the sand of Jakku, but infinitely better.

\--

A kyber crystal calls Rose through the Force, she runs to where the Force calls her. Humming and singing, a living crystal, waiting for Rose to claim it. A grand chase, Rose reaches up and clutches the necklace she and her sister shared. Happy tears filled Rey's vision as they continued running, BB-8 just behind them, cheering for Rose.

\--

Rose places the crystal into the hilt of her saber, latching it shut. She had chosen a rose gold color pallet, it was elegant, and matched her name. Rose holds out her lightsaber a safe distance, then ignites it.

A rich blue light fills the area around them, calm, with a peaceful hum behind it. The color of protection. Joyful tears fall from Rose, as she once again reaches for her necklace.

Rey waits for the light to fade before reaching out to hold her friend.

\--

Once they return, all attention is focused on Rose. Rey easily slips away from the crowd, headed for the isolation of the forest. She keeps walking until the sounds coming from the base are almost entirely muffled, the sun shines down through the tree leaves.

When she asks the Force to connect them, it bends to her request. Kylo has his back to her, but she can see the datapad he holds. He turns and smiles at her the way she likes, placing the datapad aside.

Rey holds onto him first, smelling his hair, allowing herself to find peace in the embrace. Placing a quick kiss on the side of his mouth, she pulls back and looks into his eyes. "Miss me?" 

Kylo reaches up to hold her face. "Always."

\--

She never excuses herself, Finn and Poe are reaching out to talk battle strategies with her, Rose is waiting for them to begin sparring, and Leia is waiting to understand her behavior. Rey can't give them any explanation that would sound plausible, nor could she think about telling the truth.

Now that the Force allows them to call upon their connection, they've made a schedule of time for one another, and since they can now extend their connection to their desired length, both she and Kylo share every possible moment they can.

Perhaps they're being selfish, but he trails a line of kisses down her throat and she likes the way his hair tickles her face as she kisses the edge of his jawline. Wrapping her arms around his neck to pull him closer, and he places his hands on the back of her upper thigh, lifting her closer to him. 

She tells him exactly how many freckles line his face and he tells her how the stars reflect in her hazel eyes.

\--

The more stormtroopers they rescue, the more they learn about the whisperings of the First Order. The Supreme Leader and First General are at each other's throats, there have been too many losses on their side. The First Order was crumbling from the inside, this became more obvious as more and more spies reached out to sell them information.

If any of the rumors hold true, Kylo does not expose the weight on his shoulders. She doesn't ask him, if he was in need of a distraction, Rey would be here for him. Arched against him, placing hard kisses on his neck. He holds onto her as though the Force could steal her at any moment.

When he moves to press his lips to her throat, he hums a melody she's never heard before.

\--

Rose had chosen red. A dark crimson red, that started high on her neck, sleeveless. Her trousers were black, sitting high on her waist. She had started to wear her hair down, longer than Rey's, even longer than Kylo's. Dark waves like the sea at night. 

Rey had selected all black robes. Like Rose, her trousers were black, sitting high on her waist, her shirt was cropped, whereas Rose's was tucked. Her shirt hemmed at her collarbone, sheer, mesh sleeves extending all the way to her wrists, exposing her arms. She also wore her hair down, but secured it away from her face with a waterfall braid.

They were the Jedi of the resistance, and the only Jedi of a new generation. She expects Lukes force ghost was screaming.

Wherever he was.

\--

Rose trains more with droids than she does with Rey. After a lifetime without friends, Rey couldn't have known how disappointing one would stab so greatly at her heart. Rose knows she's keeping secrets, Rey can see it when she locks eyes with her. She can feel the heat on her back when Rose watches her leave.

Rey isn't a very good friend. She can't even remember the last time she spoke to Finn.

\--

He kisses the center of her palm as she straddles him, Rey works his cape off from where it's attached to his shirt. Once the fabric is free, she drapes it over her shoulders, it floods over her body, as though she were using a blanket as a shawl. Kylo chuckles, reaching for the hems, gently pulling on them.

Rey trails her hands down his sides, slowly, tugging and pulls at the base of his shirt. He lifts his arms to aid her, and she's mindful of his hair when lifting the fabric over his head. His chest is as pale as she remembers, the scar she gave him isn't as glaring as it was the last time she had seen him shirtless. Rey trails a finger over the scattered freckles she can see. Kylo closes his eyes and she can feel the shudder that passes through him.

He arches to her, tilting his head so that he could nip at her neck; trails his hands under the cape, tracing a line from the top of her spin to the base. Once he has a firm hold on her hips she grinds against him. A gasp escaped from him, pressed against her throat. Rey begins to work off her own shirt, the cool air pricks at her skin. Kylo removes one hand from her hips to cup her face, she feels the familiar scratch from the ring she made him. 

He presses the first kiss at the base of her chin, peppering kisses down her neck, between her breasts, and down her stomach. Rey grinds against him again, Kylo returns both hands to her hips, holding onto them as though they were a religious altar offering him salvation. Rey cups the back of his neck as she thrusts again, tilting her head to press her lips against his.

She hears him say her name. His voice is hoarse, and calls her name again with an inflection. Rey nods rapidly as she continues to kiss him for only a few more moments, once they break apart, Kylo arches his hips and begins to remove his trousers, Rey temporarily slides away from his lap, moving to remove the rest of her clothing.

Kylo places his hands on the ground and attempts to stand, Rey pushes against his shoulders, moving herself to straddle him again. He's pressed against her thigh, the contact with her skin causes a strangled sound to escape him. His hands are shaking now, as they again return to her hips. Kylo drags his lips from her cheek to her lips, breathing warm air into her mouth. Rey grinds again, harder the last time, a sharp moan sounds against her lips.

He was trembling, cupping his face with both hands, Rey pushes herself just off of him, firmly pressing their lips together, snaking one hand down his chest, moving to lay on top of where one of his hands still rests on her hips. Gently pulling, trying to convince him to release one hand. The pressure of his grip lessens, once he takes her hand she guides it between them.

He's angled just below her, Rey starts to lower herself back down. Kylo rests his forehead between her breasts, her skin hums where he gasps against it. Rey herself feels a strangled sound threatening to build, biting down hard on her lips, slowing her pace as hot tears begin to prick at her eyes.

The entire process slows to a torturous pace, with only a few painful tears falling between the two of them. His hands return to their rightful, shaking, place on her hips, supporting her weight as her thighs begin to burn. Kylo kisses the hollow part on her neck, over her collarbone, and over the swell of her breasts. 

Once Rey is finally sat again, they remain still. He's now placing delicate kisses across her face, with his thumbs he rubs soft circles against her hips. She can see where a tear threatens to spill from his right eye, once it escapes, Rey lays her lips to it. Tasting salt, feeling the groove of his scar.

With time, she's able to move, trying to set a pace that could last. She mumbles and moans against his lips, slowly grinding, slowly thrusting. They've both been lonely for so long. Kylo thrusts against her, his movement steadily becoming more jerky and frantic. White dots resembling stars dance through Rey's vision, moments afterward she can feel his nails dig into her thigh. 

She places kisses over his eyelids, holding her hand to his face, attempting to soothe out wrinkles and lines she found. His hands still shake where they hold her thigh. Rey wraps her arms around his neck and rests her cheek next to him. 

He swallows, there's a pitch in his voice, as though he had something to say. When nothing is said, they disentangle themselves. Rey moves to lay on the ground, Kylo joins her, covering them both with his sheer cape, she can see the stars stitched into it dance across her exposed skin. Another pitch sounds from him, Rey rolls her body so that they could face one another.

There's a tremor in his lip."Rey," desperation bleeds from his eyes; she smiles, giving him a small nod, her heartbeat pounded in her chest.

Pauses, then says "You're my, best friend."

Admitting something greater would have hurt them both, as every moment they spent in a Force connection was a reminder of what they were depriving the other of. Rey rests her hand along his face.

"I know."

\--

When she's bathing the next evening, Rose points to a purple bruise painted against Rey's hips. She doesn't inquire about its origin. "Does that hurt?" There is concern in her voice, Rose still cared for Rey, despite her shortcomings as a friend.

"No," She says truthfully, "I haven't really thought about it." still, Rey takes a handful of water and pours it over the bruise, as though she could wash it away.

A small laugh comes from Rose. "It's the exact shade of your lightsaber." Rey echoes the laugh.

"It is, isn't it."

There's a lightness between them that's been absent for the last few days. "Do you want to train? Later today, I mean." She can't remember the last time they sparred.

Rey smiles, "I'd love to."

\--

She's racing through the forest, sweat dripping from her chin. Rey's having trouble controlling her breathing, now coming out in pants. Extending her reach with the Force, she tries to feel a familiar presence; a mistake she will pay for. Just above her, Rose leaps from her perch in one of the taller trees.

Blue light following her. 

Rey pulls her saber. Twin beams side by side, as she deflects Rose's blow. She can see a cringe appear on her friends face, as she lands on the ground, Rey takes this as her own chance to attack. Rose uses her momentum to dodge, stepping out of reach.

Rose gives her an open mouth smile. "Come on now." Her voice was breathless, but had the familiar sound of humor. 

"You come on!" Rey shouted as she twirled her saber.

Neither of them could stop their giggles as the continued to spar.

\--

She was growing panicked, her limbs screamed and burned as she was about to tear open her cot with her bare hands. Rose kneels beside her and when she fails to steady her hands, she resorts to forcibly holding onto her arms to limit her movement.

"Rey, stop, he probably just wandered a short distance away and is now hiding because he's scared." Rose was a voice of reason, speaking in a way that could soothe a person back into a clearer head space.

But Rey was just beyond that. "No. No." Her voice was shrill as she made another attempt to rip open the cot. "He doesn't do that. You know that." Rose tightened her grip on Rey as she continued to fight.

Just out of view, Finn came into the scene, "What's going on, Rey, what's wrong." they hadn't spoken in so long, she missed his voice.

Her panic smothers the thought. "He's not in my pockets, in my bag, on the pillow, on the blanket. He's gone." Her voice is rising with each word.

"Porg's missing." Rose clarifies.

Rey's able to grab their shared pillow, ripping at the seams, reaching inside as though he could be there. Poe's voice momentarily pulls her attention. "Rey, I know what he means to you, it there anywhere he could have flown to," 

Her voice is weak. "He's too fat to fly." 

Poe nods. "Where do you collect his food, he could be there, is there anyone else you trust with him, someone who could have him now?"

Relief takes a moment to ease her body. Rose releases her grip as Rey's shoulders relax, her lungs take a long clear breath. She knew Porg was safe, across the galaxy, in Kylo's care. She'll have to find a way to get into the forest alone long enough to call him.

"Of course," She sounds so much more like herself. "of course, thank you, -"

One of the newer members of the resistance approaches the scene. A lead weight builds inside of her. "Sorry, are you all talking about the porg?" Rey can feel Rose reaching back out to her, anticipating what he might say.

Both Finn and Poe shift to stand between her and the new recruit. "Where is he." Poe's voice is tight, full of dread.

The recruit looks at her before turning his attention to Poe, "They're," he breathes "an invasive species, I didn't know -" 

Rey pulls him into a Force choke from where she sat, hot tears spilling from her eyes. Rose attempts to pull her arm, Rey fights against her. Finn and Poe both turn, helping Rose push her to the ground. Rose move's on top of her, slamming her foot onto Rey's wrist.

Finally the new recruit drops to the ground, gasping. He's dragged away immediately. Off to medical, away from her.

\--

It's becoming more obvious, the whispers were getting louder, the cracks in her composure threatening to shatter her. The darkness has always been there, lurking inside of her. 

Rose asks her if she wants to have a funeral. She had to drag Rey out of the base, into the forest. It was quiet here, the sun was beginning to set. She'd have to sleep out here tonight. There was no way she'd be able to go back tonight.

She doesn't answer her question, the only thing Rey does is cry into her friend's shoulder.

\--

She chops and slices down a few trees deeper into the forest. Panicked chirping follow some of the trees as the timber down, so she stops.

\--

Despite her lack of social skills and limited interactions with others, Rey can tell when she's not wanted. So she stays on the outskirts, only Rose or Finn were brave and caring enough to venture out to give her portions or mission reports. 

Finn tells her about the new First Order gossip. General Hux was voicing his displeasure with Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, screaming about his failures and his soft heart. 

Rose tells her about her small idea, for the future of the Jedi. Same in name alone, living by a new moral code.

Rey has nothing herself to share, so the conversations uncomfortably die just before they take their leave.

\--

She rocks against him, Kylo laid on his back, and Rey has a likely painful hold on his chest. His neck is stretched out, steadily blowing out air, she can see the lump against his throat bob as he swallows. 

Rey moves her hand to rest below his back, silently urging him to sit up. Kylo does as she wants, pulling himself from the ground, as Rey readjusts herself against him, she presses just so small sparks of electricity spark through her veins with the small contact. 

Kylo goes for her throat, leaving feverish kisses with small nips and licks. His tongue against her flesh sends a shudder through her. Meeting each thrust as they start to come faster, and more desperate.

She quite likes the feeling of his shaking hands against her back. Right now his lips rest on her shoulders, he's mouthing words and sentences but not vocalizing them. Rey is still able to identify his confession as he kisses it into her flesh.

\--

Rose continued to bring portions and ideas for a better Jedi future. Rey could perfectly picture Jedi Master Ticco, kind when her students needed it, and firm in her lessons. She told Rose as much, and she loved seeing her friend smile.

\--

His shoulders were hanging slightly this evening, and Rey could see how the purple bags returned under his eyes. He hadn't shaven in a day or so, and his facial stubble pricked and scratched when she went to kiss him.

Rey plucked a small alien flower from the ground, placing it behind his ear, and covering it up with his hair. Kylo laid a kiss against her forehead as thanks. Rey pulls her head back too look into his sad eyes.

She thinks about all the whispers she's heard about the First Order. "Are you safe, where you are in the galaxy?"

He doesn't answer her, Kylo trails a line of kisses from her lips down onto her shirt. Gently, he lowered her onto the ground, and begins to remove her trousers. Kissing her exposed stomach, lifting her legs over his shoulders, and moving his head down between her thighs.

\--

Rey reaches for his belt afterward, ready to return the favor. Kylo stops her, giving her a chaste kiss. Telling her he has a meeting, and she shouldn't worry herself.

\--

It's been too long since Rey's been back to the base, at this point she thinks that she may just never return, but Rose and Finn are still reaching out, holding her to the light, despite the growing darkness.

Once again, Rose is the one that comes to her, her long dark hair gentle blowing in the air behind her as she walks to Rey. She's carrying two portions of food, and holds an uncertain look on her face.

There's no conversation between them as they eat, Rey starts to find it hard to look at Rose, so she watches flower petals that lift and dance with the wind, moving with a grace she could never possess, an ease that she would never know. Once they finish eating, Rose pulls the food tray away from her, taking one of Rey's hands in both of her own.

"Rey." She suddenly saw how drastically Rose had changed since the day she met her, in this moment she held her with a cold look. Rose was ready for the hard responsibilities of being a Jedi Knight, no matter the cost. "Rey," She said again. "If you have any connection with the First Order. You need, to tell me, now."

She knew attempting to pull her hand away would be pointless, Rey considered squaring her shoulders, responding in a harsh, deep voice; but she knew, no matter how many times she had attempted to convince herself otherwise, Rey knew she was in the wrong. "Yes." Pauses, then says "I've shared a Force connection with Kylo Ren for some time now."

Tears were visibly building in Rose's eyes. "I've never shared any resistance information with him." Rey continues, "But I have given him my time, gifts," but she is the first one to cry. "he is, more, than a friend to me." At that, Rose begins to cry. "Rose,"

Rose breaks eye contact, looking first to the sky, down to their hands, before closing her eyes. "Rose, please." Rey begs, "Kylo Ren could still turn." her voice cracks at her first lie.

Rey knows that Ben will never join the resistance.

Rose takes a shuddering breath, sniffling, before finally acknowledging what Rey has confessed. "Can, you control the Force connection?" Rose still won't look at her. "Like, right now, could you pull through the Force, and see him."

"Do I need to?" Rey won't risk Kylo's safety, or Rose's.

Her friend looks at her, her gaze serious, hurting. "General Hux has led an inside rebellion against the Supreme Leader." Her voice was quick. "The Knights of Ren allied with him. From what we understand," She swallows. "they were successful, and Kylo Ren is now awaiting public execution." 

It's as though all the blood in her body had stopped, turning into ice crystals that sliced open her veins. If it weren't for Rose's hold on her hand, Rey may have shattered into a thousand pieces.

"Leia, doesn't want her son to die." Rose goes on, "She wants to save him, but no one is willing to risk the suicide mission." 

Rey screams into the Force, she can feel Rose's energy move with her as she rips open a connection across the stars. He's knelt before them, Rose gasps at his appearance. Multiple metallic cuffs line his arms, think chains fall from them, holding him in a tight position against the floor. He's gagged with what looks to be a dirty rag. Rey jumps to him, going first for the rag tied around his head, Kylo shakes his head repeatedly, giving her a panicked look.

Rose gives a harsh pull on her sleeves. "Rey, he's probably surrounded by guards, you can't move him." Rey still holds his face in her shaking hands, her tears falling in greater numbers. 

"Are you hurt, are you okay." She whispers, his left eye is swelling shut, and there's a deep cut above his right eyebrow. Thick trails of blood are under his nose. "I'll come for you." The words choke her as they leave.

Kylo gives her those big, sad eyes she holds so dear to her heart, and shakes his head.

The two of them ignore his request. "We'll have to leave soon. Like now." Rose tells her. Kylo looks her direction, suddenly aware of her presence. He rips his eyes away from her and locks his eyes on Rey, gives her a final, firm, shake of his head.

Rey thumbs away a tear that slips from his eyes. "I crossed the galaxy for you once before and I'll cross it again." She places a kiss on top of his head as he continues to shake his head.

Rey leaves him, turning to Rose. They begin racing back to the base, and onwards to the Falcon. Rose calls out to Finn and Poe as they run, a quick, panicked invitation. They have questions, but don't hesitate to run after them.

"Poe!" Rose shouts as they begin to board, "The General told you where she thought they were holding her son, do you remember where that is?" Poe immediately understands what they were about to attempt.

He runs past her to the pilot chair. "If he kills us once he's on board-'' Finn gives him a hard pat on the back. 

"He wouldn't be the first of us to change sides." He says as he follows Poe. 

The four of them are crammed into the cockpit, Poe punching in coordinates with both Finn and Rey behind him punching additional buttons. The comm sparks to life with a voice telling them they've not the clearance to leave, which Finn quickly shuts off. They all feel the shudder as the Falcon begins to lift off of the ground. Rey steadies her balance by holding onto the wall, while beside her, Rose takes her hand. 

As they exit the atmosphere of the planet, they launch into hyperdrive, falling head first into the rescue mission of Kylo Ren.


	5. Episode X: The Rise of Balance

The adrenaline that courses through Rey's veins fail to warm the icicles of dread that linger within her lungs, painfully sharp. Frozen lead that threatens to tear her apart. He was waiting for her, held captive and chained to the floor. His brown eyes filled with such acceptance for the death that awaited him. He was so tired of the war, so tired of being broken.

He didn't want her to come.

She would. Nothing in the galaxy could prevent her from going to him. Rey wouldn't allow the war to separate them any longer. Still, the shake of his head kept replaying in her mind, eyes brimming with tears and complete defeat. He didn't want her to come, and Rey would be lying to herself if she claimed that alone didn't plant seeds of doubt within her.

But Rey was so good at lying to herself.

Slight turbulence brings Rey back into her body, they still have so long to go until they reach him. Both Finn and Poe shared rapid fire ideas for their course of action, from talks about dressing up as stormtroopers and generals to just flying the falcon into the side of the Finalizer, hopefully killing a few guards and not Kylo Ren. 

As they continue to share a combination of real plans and humorous ones, they still say his name with venom in their voice. To them, Kylo Ren is a monster they're being forced to rescue. Poe had been tortured by Kylo no more than a few months ago. Captured and restrained against a mental chair, not unlike the one Rey had been strapped to. Finn had faced Kylo down in a lightsaber duel, only for his back to be slashed and charred, resulting in a short term coma. 

They are only saving him on the sole basis that he is Leia's son; and while they joke about forcing Kylo to work on the janitorial crew and hazing him as a new recruit, even though Finn had said anyone could change sides,

Kylo would have to answer for his war crimes against the galaxy.

Even if when he arrived at the Resistance base, if he told every single secret he knew about the First Order, would that be enough for the rebels?

Was he only moving from one jail cell to another? Surrounded by those who want him dead, the only difference between the groups being the uniform they dressed in. Would they remove the bars to his cage and leash him instead, never allowing him any privacy, or peace.

Rey feels Rose's familiar hand intertwined with her own. Her friend offers her kind eyes, though she no doubts questions Rey's sanity. With the slightest tilt of her head, Rose leads them both out of the cockpit and towards a small table just out earshot of their friends.

Rose sits first, keeping her voice soft. "Even without the Force, I can feel the anguish coming from you, and those two aren't exactly comforting you with their schemes." Rose tightens her grip on Rey's hand. "I understand that sharing the exact, nature, of your," Rose pauses again, "relationship," She does an excellent job of hiding all judgment from her voice. "with Kylo with Finn and Poe will be met with great resistance and anger."

Rey had only told Rose less than an hour ago, and she still hadn't gone into all of the detail that a friend like Rose should have heard. Telling Finn and Poe, while they had very briefly started out as star-crossed friends, they fell in love while fighting on the same side of the war. If she approached them now, and told them.

She couldn't.

But Rose held onto her hand, and held her warmly with her eyes. "Rey, I don't want to lose you." Rose didn't hide her tears, she didn't hide herself from the people she loved. "You are my best friend, Jedi sisters in arms, porg mothers, and whatever else. If you love him, I will try, and understand."

Rose reached out for her other hand. "But I can't understand anything if you keep pulling away." 

"Rose," Rey's voice cracks while saying her friend's name, her eyes water as she collects her thoughts. "You, must understand. You are so dear to me, and I never want to lose you." Rey swallows, "But you must understand, he is not fully dark, just as I am not fully light."

She continues, "You've seen the darkness that follows me, that lingers wherever I go. The light does the same with him." Rey shifts to sit closer to Rose. "Small, almost insignificant moments, but there is light. I've seen the inside of his mind, and he so struggles against the pull of it." She doesn't want to lose Rose, so Rey tells her, "Yes, I often blind myself to his actions, but I have seen the creature behind the mask, and he is a man."

At that a tear falls from Rose. "Do you love him?"

Rey blinks at her question, suddenly her friend's face becomes too unbearable to look at, so she turns her gaze down before closing her eyes. "I," She thinks back to the island, and when she had left. "I left Skywalker to go to him. Back then, we shared a moment and touched hands, when that happened I saw a vision of the future and so did he. I saw Ben redeemed, living as a Jedi, we were family, and living in the light."

"What did Kylo see?" 

"He, saw me turn to the dark. I had no idea until I arrived on his ship. I tried to talk to him as he brought me before Snoke, I told him I would help him turn, and though he initially refused, he did turn." Rey opens her eyes, remembering the moment. "Snoke tortured me, taunted us together. Both Snoke and Skywalker talked about balance. Skywalker said that there is equal light and equal dark, while Snoke said that darkness rises, and light to meet it. He then said that he bridged our minds together in the Force, but Ben and I made it stronger, building upon it until it created an unbreakable connection. A dyad in the Force."

Rey leans forward. "When the moment came, Snoke commanded that Ben strike me down, and he turned on Snoke instead. He killed the Supreme Leader, for me. Together we fought the guards that stormed us and," She thinks about the first time she saw him smile. "and when the fighting ended, I kissed him." Then comes the memory of what came next. "He offered me his hand, asked me to join him and rule the galaxy, and I refused."

"Do you love him?" Rose asks again, her eyes unreadable.

She thinks back to the aftermath of their first time, laying on cold grass, his cape draped across their bodies. He was choking on his emotions, too afraid to vocalize what he wanted to say. He could kiss it into her shoulders or between her thighs. Hidden meanings in complements and thoughtful gifts. Admitting something greater was admitting to something to lose.

She remembers how he paused, and said, "You're my, best friend." and she knew what it was.

There's a shift in the way in which Rose holds back her shoulders, a small realization dawning on her face. "You called him more than a friend." Rey blinks, "The bruise that was on your thigh, small scratches on your back." Now Rose tears her eyes away, a choked laugh escapes her. "I thought you fell out of a tree or something, but Finn and Poe were so...sure, that you had a boyfriend or girlfriend you were hiding from us."

An overwhelming sense of shame begins to fill Rey, burning her cheeks. She very much wants to change the topic, avoid discussing her many faults as a person. Rose takes a ragged breath. "How many times have you slept with him?"

Sometimes you disappoint your friends. "Three times."

Rose shakes her head, removing one hand to wipe at her tears. A sad, forced smile sits on her face. "I could comment about the Jedi and the Jedi Killer sharing a bed together or comment about how proud Queen Padme would be of her heartbreak prince grandson following her footsteps and chasing after a Jedi." Rose steadies her breathing.

Rey speaks, "I am sorry I did not tell you, but," she reaches for the hand that Rose pulled away. "I can not apologize for wanting him."

Rose is unable to respond to what Rey has and has not admitted. She only pulls Rey into a loose embrace. There is too much to go through, too many words that will remain unsaid for who knows how long. When Rose finally speaks, her words are a bandage gently placed on Rey's heart. 

"Thank you for telling me."

\--

They've gathered a base plan on how to infiltrate the Finalizer. Using some of their spy connections within the First Order, they'll dock down on a seldom used ship platform, Finn and Poe will get their way and dawn a general's uniform, Rey and Rose will be handed the old uniforms from two of the Knights of Ren, who they hopefully, won't run into. BB-8 wore the all too familiar disguise of a First Order trash can.

A stupid foolish plan. The spy they contacted hadn't the faintest idea where they could be holding Kylo, and only pointed them in a vague direction on a gigantic ship larger than some planets on the outer rim. They hadn't thought this through, four fools playing dress up who couldn't rely entirely on their Force powers in case one of the real Knights of Ren came too close. 

Finn was familiar enough with how First Order ships were generally laid out, and was able to navigate them towards where the cells were. 

All were empty, as they would be. As much as Hux would want to humiliate Kylo by placing him in these petty, small cells, Hux knows that Kylo is too dangerous. Wherever he is, he is surrounded by an army along all the chains that bind him.

\--

Of course, Finn finds a fidgety stormtrooper, the four of them pull the lone woman aside. Poe gives her his charming smile, and Finn moves her with his words. It doesn't take the two of them long before they convince her of another path.

She gives them far better directions than the spy, Finn tells her where she can find the Falcon, and that she's welcome to return to the Resistance with them.

\--

The farther they move into the Finalizer, the more dangerous their surroundings become. Stormtroopers march beside them in greater numbers, actual generals start to appear, and while they temporarily turn their gaze, they all seem too distracted by the upcoming execution to be bothered to investigate.

Their only concern is Kylo Ren freeing himself, not one officer within the First Order had considered that anyone was foolish enough to attempt a rescue mission. That underestimation was likely due to the betrayal of the Knights of Ren.

Only BB-9E droids seemed to act on their suspicions, sometimes following them for a short distance before growing bored, and eventually rolling away.

\--

She can't ask the Force to connect them; for one she can't bear to see the sign of him, frightened and cage, for another, she can't risk alerting the Knights of Ren. Rey doubted they would think she was here for him, but they would sound the alarm, and turn the status of the mission from difficult to impossible.

But as Rey takes step by step into the ship, it's as though a thread wrapped around her heart leads her. Completely invisible to even she, but it flows around her and pulsates as her heartbeat rises. Curving around the base, leading her to him.

Connecting them together. A dyad, with or without the Force.

\--

There's a cluster of darkness at the heart of the ship, circling together, unmoving. Both she and Rose are forced to retreat a few steps to continue masking themselves from the Force. 

They finally know exactly where he is, and they can't take another step.

Retreating a little more, they all find their way into a secluded room. "What's wrong?" Finn's the first to speak. "Did you two feel him die or something?"

Rey can't help but cringe at the thought. His death would rip the Force surrounding her, and likely take her with him. "No." she tells him weakly.

"He's close by," Rose says for her, "but he's surrounded by the Knights of Ren. The darkness they're seeping into the Force in suffocating. Rey and I can't move any closer without alerting them." Still, Rose drops the mask she had been wearing to the floor.

Poe places his hands on his hips. "Is there even a guarantee that they'd kill him just because some Jedi showed up?"

Rey can't stop herself from scratching and pulling at her own hair, "Probably." she whines.

"They could think that we had come to kill him ourselves, they might kill him once they knew we were here, or they would storm us, leaving the rescue mission up to you two, which will fail, because there likely won't be an opening for you to sneak past them." Rose spoke louder than needed, attempting to draw attention away from Rey.

Poe drags a hand across his face. "And even once you two take out all of the knights, there's no telling if an alarm will sound off, or even how long the fight would last." Finn speaks next.

"Besides that, either Rey or Rose needs to be there to move him, there's no telling how aggressive he'll be, we just know he won't come willingly." 

Rey can't stop herself, "You don't know that." her voice is becoming higher in pitch.

She can hear Finn scoff, "Like I said before, anyone can change sides, but we all know Kylo's going to put up a fight." Finn crosses his arm as he talks.

"No." Her protest comes out as a choke. "He's too injured right now to fight, and he knows we're his only hope." Kylo would only start fighting when they neared the base, and would eventually run away. He didn't want her to come, but she knows he wouldn't risk her safety over that particular disagreement.

Poe moves closer to Finn. "Kylo Ren isn't that injured if the entirety of the Knights of Ren are there to guard him. The little shit was probably just caught by surprise." Rey feels her blood boil at Poe's insult.

"No! He is injured, and he will sulk but he won't fight us." Rey says with greater determination.

Finn shakes his head. "Rey, how can you even say that." Slight anger began to make its way into his voice. "Think about what he did to us! He even killed his own father-"

"That was an accident and you know it!" Rey let her rage coat her words as she cut Finn off.

"Oh you're defending-" She cuts him off again.

"Don't pretend he's some monster-" Finn speaks over her

"He is a monster!"

Poe shouts over them. "Knock it off! We are in enemy territory, we can't afford infighting." Still, he positions himself just slightly between her and Finn, Rose copies his movements. "I know we all want the General to get her son back, but we can not ignore what Kylo Ren has done to the galaxy nor can we risk all of our lives to rescue him."

"If you weren't going to even try why did you even bother to come!" Rey spits at him.

"I came for General Organa!" He shouts back, "I came because she deserves to see her son again before we execute him ourselves."

"What!" Rey shrieks, Rose steps more in front of her. "We are not killing him!"

She can see as Finn throws his hands up in the air. "What did you think we were here for! You honestly think he can just join the Resistance and everything will be okay! After what he's don-"

"Just shut up! I won't let you murder him!" Rey attempts to take a step forward but Rose blocks her.

She turns her head and attempts to bring reason back into the room. "Rey, I understand that-'' The rest of the room is well beyond reason.

"Well I don't understand!" Finn shouts. "What in the kriff has gotten into you!! How can you defend that mons-"

"Stop calling him that! You don't know him!" Rose is now resorting to blocking Rey's view of the men in the room, but she's darting her head around her to not lose focus.

"I do know him, Rey! He tried to kill me in case you forgot!" 

Rose reaches to cover Rey's mouth, anticipating her next words, but she isn't quick enough. "You don't know him like I do!"

Once again, Finn throws his arms into the air. "And how exactly do you..." Finn cuts himself off, denial creeping into him. His voice is much quieter as he speaks. "What is all this? Defending him, yelling at us..." Finn and Poe turn to look at each other, after a few moments they turn their gaze to Rose,

Then to Rey.

"Rey," Something approaching dawning horror sets into Finn's face. "Rey what is this? Why..."

Poe accepts the truth before him, turning his back to the group, pulling his hands into his hair. "Hidden boyfriend, for kiff's sake," he mumbles to himself.

Finn continues his horrific realization. "Are you...."

"Did you know?" Poe lightly asks, turning his face just enough to look at Rose, "Never mind, of course, you did." he mumbles on.

Pure hatred fills Finn as he speaks the next words. "...and Ren?!" 

Rey becomes defensive again, her voice hoarse, "There is good in him, I know it, I just need-"

The unspoken confirmation shakes at Finn as he covers his ears temporarily before continuing the fight. "Where? How? How!"

Rey shakes her head, "I can explain later-"

"Oh, I'm sure you will! Did you even go to meet Skywalker? Or did you just have a few fun weeks with your boyfriend!"

Technically both, but she can't tell him that. "Finn-"

He won't hide the mixture of disappointment and disgust on his face. "How are you two even seeing each other! Did you leave the base? Did you tell him where we were!" Poe looks at him and can see how his rage is about to boil over, he goes to place a hand on his shoulder but Finn pushes him off. "You were always gone, in the forest, and we thought,"

His face pales, she doesn't want to know what he thinks of her. "Rey, have," he pauses, "have you, slept with him!" Poe turns to look at Rey as well, waiting for her answer.

She can't do this, "Finn-" but Poe cuts her off.

"Oh for the love of kriff." Poe begins to remove himself, walking just out of reach of the chaos about to unfold.

Rose centers herself between all of them. Very much acting as Jedi Master surrounded by unruly padawans. "Listen, we can fight about this for as long as you all want too, but we came here for a reason, and we need to focus on our mission."

Both Rey and Finn ignore her. "What can you even see in him!" He asks her.

"There is light, and kindness, and I know all of this is coming fast bu-" Finn isn't accepting anything she's attempting to say.

"Yeah not as fast as it took for you to bounce on our enemies cock!'' At that Rey lunges at Finn.

Rose is right there to knock her straight on the ground, all of their time sparrings allows her to know exactly how to pin down Rey without her being able to break free. Still, Rey struggles at her hold. Now Rose is the one to yell. 

"That is enough. We can fight on the Falcon, at the base, or wherever the kriff you two want, but right now we have a job that we all agreed too. If we wait any longer, we risk Kylo dying, and if Kylo dies," Her gaze falls to Rey, they all know she will destroy the ship if he were to die. "Right now, we can't get to him, so we need a plan. We can't afford to waste time fighting, so the next words out of your mouths better be ideas of what we're going to do!"

The tension remains in the room, but slowly, they nod their heads, coming back closer together, Rose lifts herself off of Rey but still slightly straddles her legs, just in case.

"Now," Rose continues, "The Knights of Ren are guarding Kylo, so where are Hux and his men?"

\--

Killing Hux and the other leaders and generals of the First Order presents the opportunity to end the war. If Rose and Rey exposed themselves before Hux, it would draw the Knights of Ren right to them, the danger they would present to the First Order should distract them from any early execution options.

Once the Knights left the room, Finn and Poe would enter, under the guise of moving the prisoner to another location, the ruse worked once for them and they both seem confident they can pull it off again.

After Kylo and the boys were safely on board the Falcon, and after the girls had killed Hux, his men, and the Knights of Ren, they would then head for the Falcon.

Then they would all head to the Resistance, and see if they can delay any imprisonment or executions directed at Kylo Ren.

\--

Before Finn leaves, he turns to Rey, "I'm not happy, and I won't pretend otherwise, but," he gives her a nod. "I'll make sure he gets to the Falcon, safely. For you."

They pull one another into a quick embrace before parting again.

\--

"I've been thinking," Rose speaks lightly as they walk towards the officers room, they're both dressed as Knights again. "about what Master Skywalker said to you. About the Jedi needing to die." 

Rey gives her a quick glance, "Yes, what about it?"

Rose releases a deep breath before saying, "I think he was right. A whole order of people who completely reject all emotions, positive or negative, reject their humanity, it's," She pauses, "It shouldn't exist, it's insanity to even attempt to live such a life." 

Rey nods, "You talked before about creating a new Jedi order which was only the same in name before," Rose had mentioned many times about what should be changed, here and there. 

"And that's what I'm going to do. I want to say, 'when this is all over', but, this is never going to end. If I am to create a new religion, the galaxy has to be balanced." Stormtroopers pass here and there, none paying them any attention.

Rey longs for the war to end, "There will be balance, once we destroy the First Order today."

"No." Rose says, "That will only bring a greater imbalance if there is more light than dark. Think about what Master Skywalker and Snoke said. Equal light and equal dark. How can there ever be balance if the light and dark exist. Balance means there will always be conflict, there will always be war." 

Rey stares at Rose as they continue to walk. "What are you getting at?"

Rose returns her look, "Snoke said you and Kylo were equals in the Force, darkness rises and light to meet it." She pauses, "You saw a vision of him turning to the light and he saw you turn to the dark. What would happen if you both met in the middle?"

A short breath escapes her, "The middle?" she questions.

"If you two abandoned the fight, and drowned the Force in gray." Rey can hear her heartbeat pound against her eardrum.

"Rose," What would happen, if they just ran.

"There were a few other ships where we docked. When the time comes," Even though she wore a mask, Rey knew Rose was crying. "You and Kylo need to take the Falcon and leave. You can't go to the Resistance. If there is a chance that you two could turn the Force gray then, there is a real chance for balance to save us all."

The doors to where Hux and his men were stationed was approaching them, just feet away. "Rose, I won't," Rose who was always there, to hold her hand, calm her nightmares, her Jedi sister in arms. "I can't leave you."

Rose pulls her into a hug just shy of the door. "We'll see each other again, and we'll be in contact, but Rey," She holds her tighter upon hearing her name. "If you and him can bring actual balance, we can't choose any other option, if we're wrong, then you come home, and the three of us will build the new Jedi order."

Rey cries beneath her own mask, "That would be something, now wouldn't it?"

They both release a pathetic laugh before pulling apart. The door opens at only the slightest use of the Force, every man in the room turns to observe them. The two of them drop their masks, then their cloaks. The new Jedi Masters, facing down the heart of the First Order.

Blue and purple light fill the room, as Hux and his men scramble for their blasters.

\--

The dark cluster they had felt in the Force rushes towards their location, but the Knights will be too late to save any of the officials of the First Order. No longer shielding her Force signature, Rey places a hand on Roses shoulder and bends the Force to bridge them to Kylo. 

He's awake, albeit confused as to what's occurring on the Finalizer. When he sees Rey, there's a panic in his eyes, as he understands that his Knights were rushing to her. Kylo struggles against his restraints and muffled protests lose themselves against the cloth that gags him. 

Rey kneels before him, holding his face in her hands. "Shh, calm down, I'm alright." He leans into her touch, no less panicked then he was before. "My friends Finn and Poe are coming for you, they're dressed like-"

Also with comedic timing, Rey catches faint glimpses of Finn and Poe as they attempt to remove the various restraints holding Kylo down. Kylo pulls against them, shaking his body as far away as he can. 

"Ben," Rey says, "It's alright, they're here to help you. They're going to take you to the Falcon- '' He gives her a look that's equal parts shocked and betrayed. "Please, don't fight this."

As Finn and Poe touch more of Kylo, the more they both see of the Force connection, Finn states at her, questioning her impossible presence. She looks to Finn, pleading with her eyes for him to take care of Kylo. Poe, seemingly the smartest in the room, finally removes the gag out of Kylo's mouth.

Kylo hunches over, taking jagged breaths. "You shouldn't have come, Rey." Her heart drops through her body at his words. "The Resistance will kill me just as soon, you know this, don't delay the inevitable." 

Rey smooths his hair away from his face, "No one will hurt you while I'm alive, we can fight about this on the Falcon." She gives him a harsh kiss before her final words. "Be. Good." He's too weak to even stand, Finn and Poe have to drag him out of the room.

She ends the Force connection. Rey trusts that he won't attempt to run until the Falcon is flying away from the First Order. Rose reaches out and helps Rey stand, giving her a quiet, knowing, smile.

He can run, but he won't be leaving alone.

They both ignited their lightsabers once again just before the Knights barged into the scene. All clad in black, carrying variations of lightsabers with red glows and electric currents. Only a single moment, before the last true fight between the Jedi and Sith, commenced.

\--

They were both injured, but remained victorious, Rey has to lean onto Rose, who holds a broken wrist tight against herself, as they both limp back to the docking ship they had arrived on. The entirety of the Finalizer is immersed in chaos as alarms ring inside of their ears. Stormtroopers and remaining officers race down hallways, with no clear directions. Since Rose is the one doing the most physical labor, Rey uses the Force to shield them as they walk the halls.

As they walk, tears begin to pour from both of them. Neither wanted their adventure to end, they both longed for countless missions and fights together. There was a story that the two of them belonged to, where they stayed as one, and fought for the greater good, but this wasn't how their story was going to play out.

Their parting was coming up, and though they knew they would meet again, it did nothing to ease the pain.

\--

Finn and Poe understood the change in plan the moment Rey and Rose arrived. They usher the Stormtrooper they recruited to run into one of the TIE fighters close by. The trio helped Rey climb up the ramp to the Falcon. Through the quick, tearful goodbye's they exchange their parting words. Promises to see each other again, and to be safe.

There isn't room for BB-8 to leave in the TIE fighters, Poe run's his hand over the droid as they exchange their own goodbye.

Rey doesn't close the ramp to the Falcon until she watches her friends entire their respective TIE fighters.

\--

He's struggling to stand, Finn and Poe had unknowingly placed him on the exact bench where his father had died only a few short months ago. The very knowledge has bile rising in her throat.

Kylo's gritting his teeth, attempting to stand on an unstable foot. His face is paler than white and looks to also be on the verge of vomiting. "I'm. Not. Going. There." He spits out the words at her, not out of anger, but pain.

Rey rushes to his side, placing her arms under his to support his balance, though she herself could hardly stand on her own. When Kylo almost collapses on top of her, Rey has to shove the two of them against the wall of the Falcon. "I know, I know," She whispers. "We're not going to the Resistance."

He has no reply, Rey isn't even sure if he believes her. Still, they wobble to the cockpit, knocking everything around them onto the ground. BB-8 rolls quietly behind them, until she gets a good scan of Kylo's face, to which she happily beeps 'I remember you.'

Kylo chokes on that, haggard breaths that sound as though they're ripping apart his throat. The alarm on the Finalizer is still blaring, and Rey can see a flashing red light as they approach the cockpit. She knows they're taking too long, and she's only heard one TIE fighter take off into a hyperjump. Only Rose would be equal parts foolish and caring enough to stay until she knew they were safe.

She can feel her warm Force signature as she waits in her own ship.

Rey can't help but to roughly drop Kylo into the co-pilot seat, falls on top of him as she does. Rey is forced to crawl up into her own seat. Pounding on the buttons as she readies the Falcon for flight. 

"Where are we going?" Kylo leans forward, pressing buttons when he can, attempting to help the situation.

She doesn't have the slightest idea, and she doesn't care. Rey reaches out to Rose's Force signature one last time before jumping out into hyperspace.

\--

They land on an isolated moon to some barren planet with no atmosphere, it doesn't matter, they don't plan on leaving the ship. Rey and Kylo stumble into medical side by bloody side, tripping and falling over themselves, with only encouraging beeps from BB-8 to keep them going.

They do a terrible job at patching the other up, both more concerned with the others well beginning. Rey has to climb onto Kylo's lap and rip at his hair to pour water down his throat. Kylo has to actually rip off Rey's boot to get a good look at her swollen ankle. 

They're both a mess, but they've never been anything else. They end their petty bickering after they come to a silent understanding that they can patch up their wounds after they've both gotten a good night's rest. Neither of them have the strength to leave the medical unit nor do they have the strength to climb into the lone hospital bed in the room. So instead, they sleep side by side on the hard floor, with small beeps from BB-8 promising to keep watch over them

\--

He wakes before she does, Rey's unsure if he crawled to the kitchenette himself or had asked BB-8 to help him, but she wakes to Kylo gently shaking her shoulder and caressing her face. There's a portion of food for them and something hot to drink for both of them. 

They don't talk while they eat, both content to stuff their faces in moderate silence, only breaking the peace to chug their water when they start to choke on their food. With the ease of food and sleep, they both find it far easier to patch each other's wounds. Picking out the correct medicines and proper bandages to wrap around bruises and swollen ankles.

Rey still doesn't possess the strength to drag herself back into the cockpit, and Kylo doesn't look like he's about to move from where he's lays on the floor anytime soon. So Rey turns on her side, and curls next to him. Burying her face in his shoulder, he moves his hand to rest on top of where her's sits on his chest.

Their only breathing slightly out of sync, but it's rhythmic enough to lull Rey into sleep.

\--

When Rey finally sits in the pilot's chair, Kylo is next to her in the co-pilot's seat. Rey is hunched over the control panel, unsure of where to even take them. Part of her wants to reach out to the Resistance, wants to see if the trio made it home safe, but she knows better than to contact them. 

So instead, she tucks a loose lock of hair behind her ear. "If you could go anywhere in the galaxy, where would it be?"

Kylo seems to consider his answer, looking out at the planet to moon they're perched on top of faces. There's twitches in brow and something pulling at his lips. He takes a deep breath and says. "I'm not sure I'm ready to go there just yet." 

She can see through the hesitancy in his voice. "You can wait on the Falcon all you like once we land there." She keeps her voice playful, just in case.

He smiles at that, leans forward and begins to punch in coordinance.

\--

It's winter time, where he has chosen to land on Naboo. Rey had only seen snow once before, she remembers the raging wind and sharp coldness to the air as it cut at her skin. The snow on Naboo seems to have a sense of peace about it, as the soft wind dances with snowflakes in it's trail.

Rey lifts herself out of the pilot's seat, reaches out to touch the window of the Falcon as it fogs up from the change in temperature. "There's a lake, near here, at least there should be." he tells her as he stands. "We could go there, in a day or..." He trails off, second guessing himself and his willingness to go through with what he wants.

He looks to her, hoping she'll understand, Rey smiles, takes his hand. "We'll be here as long as we need to be."

He drops down into her embrace, pulling her tight against him.

\--

They're both overdue for a visit to the 'fresher. Sweat and grime clung to them both from days of fighting and captivity, but he was still more than happy to kiss down her neck and twist his fingers in her hair. He hadn't vocalized his appreciation to her for saving his life, but Rey could understand everything he wanted to say as he nipped at the sensitive part under her jaw. 'I love you', 'You could have been killed', 'I love you', 'Don't ever put yourself in danger like that for me again,', 'I love you'.

Rey arches against him, slipping her hand under his waistband and lightly stroking him. His breathing hitches for a moment before moving to press his lips against hers. Rey keeps a slow pace, and can't keep from smiling when he involuntarily jerks into her hand.

\--

Once they've both finally bathed, they begin to make a proper bed on the floor. Though the bed hadn't been slept in for years, Rey could see the ghosts that followed him as he walked around the Falcon. Peeking into every room before entering, as though he were still a child, trespassing in his father's ship.

She considered showing him the spot where Han died, talking about what he had said about his son before he passed, but the very burden of existing in something that once belonged to his father already held too heavy on his shoulders. He's already struggling, she won't add to it.

So they indulge themselves into their distractions. When they're not pressing one another into the painful metal grates they have for flooring, they listen to BB-8 catch him up on everything he's missed since they parted.

When BB-8 grows bored with them and rolls off, Rey starts to tell him about Rose, and Finn and Poe. Relationship dramas and cherished friendships. She can't promise him an extension of her friendship with them to extend to him, but she knows Rose will give him a real chance, once everything settles down.

He's surprised to hear about another Jedi, he hadn't felt anything shift in the Force, but admits that he'd been quite distracted as of late.

When it's his time to speak, he tells her about Hux, all the disagreements that had led up to the inside rebellion. He talks about his Knights, how he met them, he mourns their loss, but understands that there was no other way. He then goes into depth about Snoke, what he endured under his supervision, how it still follows him, how even now, he's looking over his shoulders and guarding his thoughts.

The new honesty and demolished barriers against certain conversation topics helps them both. When he asks her if she plans on helping the Resistance from a distance, or on occasional missions, Rey tells him about what Rose had said, how together they could reject the light and the dark, and live in gray.

The idea seems intoxication to him, the option to atone for his sins, but not live the rest of his life in fear of the darkness that will always be there.

\--

He wants to atone, he yearns to give back any light he had stolen from the galaxy. They talk about their options, and Rey remembers how Luke spent that first year after the war had ended. She knows that people will always need help, so she suggests that for the rest of their lives, they go from planet to planet, helping anyone who needs them, always moving forward, always on the run. 

He's smiling and gives her a fair laugh at the proposal. "Just think!" She says. "Criminals wanted by the galaxy who look suspiciously like the helpful couple that hops from planet to planet." Rey can't contain her giggles. "Plus think about how nice Rey would look next to Ben Organa!"

His smile deepens, a true smile. "Kylo." He says, "It was the one thing I was able to choose for myself." He can't hide the happiness he feels at telling her the truth, telling her his name. "I think Rey would look very nice next to Kylo Organa."

It would take some getting used to, but it was his name, "So, very nice." Rey breathes through her smile.

\--

Kylo's hand doesn't shake as often when he holds onto her hips, using his leverage to grind Rey against him. She gasps and giggles into his mouth, slightly tugging at the grip she has in her hair, that now spills on top of his collarbone.

With so much free time together, they frequently, and happily, resort to sex when talking becomes too much. Their hold onto one another is far less desperate than it had once been, no longer afraid of the Force stealing them away.

The new ease of the aftermath helps them both. Kylo no longer fears and early death, and understands that he truly has time to be present, and wait for the correct words to find him. He likes to loop an arm around the small of her waist, and rub his nose against hers.

And she likes to trace his freckles with her fingers, finding shapes and meaning in the constellations on his skin.

\--

Finally, on a warm winter day, they make their way from the Falcon onto the surface on Naboo, BB-8 quickly rolls down from the ramp and completely submerged beneath the snow. They both hide their laughter and promise to tell BB-8 about everything they see on their walk as they leave the droid singing out sad beeps on the ramp of the Falcon.

They only have a short walk through the woods before they come before a frozen lake, and a grand palace awaiting them on the other side. She waits for him to take the first step forward, but the moment never comes. So they sit on the frozen sand, and watch from a distance. Fresh snow eventually falls down on them, but they don't move.

Rey remembers how Luke had said that he had only traveled to Naboo once, for his wedding. She wonders if he and his husband had wed in the palace they sat before. Likely at the same spot Anakin and Padme had wed.

Rey also thinks about how the old Kylo had told her to let the past die, to kill it if she had to. History will always suffer a slow death, and be completely forgotten after a generation or so. She wonders how many generations it would take for Padame's palace where even the memories that haunt its halls are forgotten. When the people of Naboo look upon its gilded walls and only know it belonged to an old queen they can't even name.

There's no way to know if it's already happened.

When twilight falls upon them, Kylo stands, and Rey understands it's time they head back to the Falcon. As they walk through the snowy woods, they take their time to observe the glowing flowers that are scattered through the ground, but as the sunlight fades and the darkness grows, they see the flowers create a path to follow, where they start to cluster closer together.

Kylo and Rey turn their attention to the trail of flowers, only a slight detour away from where the Falcon sits.

They're brought before a fountain of a woman, surrounded by glowing flowers, overgrown with moss and weeds. Snow covers the plague that sits in front of the fountain, Kylo brushes at it, and uncovers the name: Padme Amidala

Even through a moss covered, stone face, Rey can see the family resemblance. They then start working at cleaning off the weeds and scrubbing away the moss. Even as her fingers turn a bright red and her nose refuses to stop running, they continue to work until the fountain is clean.

Once they're done, and Padme is glowing, clean, in the moon and flower light, Kylo drops to his knees. He braces his hands against the side of the fountain, red and raw, with freezing water lapping against them. 

The lost prince of Naboo, kneeling before the statue of his grandmother, begging for absolution.

When the statue fails to speak, Rey reaches out her own trembling fingers, and covers his hands. 

He takes another few moments of silent prayer, then Kylo moves. Clasping their hands together for warmth, pulling them to his lips and breathing hot air onto them. Rey can't resist running a sole finger across his bottom lip, and Kylo leaves a tender kiss against it.

\--

When they return, after Kylo has warmed every inch of her body with tender kisses, he suggests they leave Naboo in the morning, and go wherever she wants.

She tries to think of planets they could start with their redemption mission, but like Kylo, Rey still has ghosts that follow her and gnaw at her heart, and she would like to start receiving answers to questions she's been screaming out into the galaxy her entire life.

\--

Rey never thought she'd see Jakku again, just the sight of the planet fills her with an irrational fear that she'll be trapped on the planet for another fourteen years, with no hope waiting for her on the horizon.

Kylo reaches across the console, gives a tight squeeze on her hand. Rey turns and smiles at him. They won't be here long, she knows what she wants and where exactly she needs to go.

\--

Urkar isn't happy to see her, ranting and raving about all the credits she owes him, threatening to have her killed or turn the First Order on her. Rey ignores his threats, asking him once to see the records he has of her sale transaction. Urkar starts to laugh, and Rey uses the Force to lift him off of the ground, she won't Force Choke him, but she does give a slight squeeze against his throat.

With the new incentive, Urkar happily points her towards his data pad, telling her the unlock code and his best memory of the sale date. 

She motions for Kylo to stand beside her as she pulls up the records she needs. The process takes far longer than she would like, the documents take forever to load, and she has so many to sort through.

Finally, after fourteen minutes, the document she needs loads before them. Detailing the sale of a child named Rey Nobody, for twenty thousand credits. A small link sits at the top of the document, titled sellers. Tapping the link only extends to two additional links, her heartbeats traps itself in her throat. The first sublink was titled _Does not want to buy back_ and the second sublink was titled _Wants to buy back_.

She has to steady her trembling hand, not wanting to select the wrong option. Time moves far too slow, and when she finally tap on the second link, Rey feels the loading screen may glitch the datapad, and steal the answers she's so close to away.

But the image loads. And Rey's met with a woman with blonde hair, hazel eyes, freckles on her face. She doesn't think they look terribly alike, but there's a similarity, in their lips, their eyes. 

Below the image of her mother is the name Jodie Nobody, along with the notes: Reluctant to sell. Interested in repurchasing.

Reluctant to sell, and interested in repurchasing. Rey hadn't had the mother she wanted, but she didn't have the worst mother in the galaxy. All she had were terrible memories she can now attach with a name and a face.

It wasn't enough, and it would never be enough. But somehow, it was everything.

\--

She wants to leave, but Kylo places a hand on her shoulder, telling her to transfer a copy of her mother's holograph to the Falcon. She wants too, knows that she'll regret it if she doesn't, but when her fingers fail to move, Kylo gently removes the datapad from her hands, and sends a copy to the Falcon and to BB-8's nearby frequency, just encase.

\--

They leave Jakku immediately, as they ascend into the sky, Rey thinks that they could visit the crash site, there wouldn't be anything to scavenge, but there could still be clothes on her mother's skeleton, they would just have to dig deep enough into the sand.

As though reading her horrid thoughts, Kylo places his hand over hers, and takes the Falcon back into space.

\--

He's leaving wet kisses on her stomach, whispering into her skin that he wants to make her forget what pains her. As he trails his lips lower and lower, Rey wants to joke that he had never made an excuse to stick his head between her thighs before, but the words never leave her throat.

He kisses and circles his tongue around her sex, gently lifting her hips into the air. The metal grates on the floor painfully press into her shoulders even though the many blankets they had piled together to make a bed.

She wants to complain, she wants to cry into his shoulders and then smash everything in sight. She wants to go back to Jakku and kill Urkar, just because she can, and she hurts so much.

Kylo lifts her hips more, move's one of his hands to support her mid back, easing the pain she felt in her shoulder blades. He presses his mouth more into her, licking and moaning against her.

It's a slow process, but he's willing to wait. Rey's breathing turns to panting, arching herself as he continues to lift her hips higher. The knot building in her lower stomach causes her grip and tug at Kylo's hair, pushing his face farther into her, all while squishing his face between her legs.

White stars start to flood her vision as her body begins to tremble, pulsating, liberating. When she stops shaking, Kylo delicately lowers her back onto the floor. Placing soft kisses on her body as he makes his way up to her lips. Rey's eyelids have a weight to them they didn't previously, and her kisses begin to turn sleepy and sluggish. Kylo pulls her flushed against him, placing a kiss on top of her forehead.

She can feel him pressed hard against her stomach, she trails a hand down his chest, but Kylo catches her wrist, placing a delicate kiss on her fingertips. Whispering "It's alright." against them.

Rey rests her head on his shoulder, Kylo moves slightly to wrap a blanket around them. Sleep comes fast to her, and she doesn't have to worry about the screaming thoughts that have been plaguing her since they left Jakku.

\--

In the morning, they talked about heading to the outer rim planets first, there would be less First Order and Resistance patrols in those areas. It would make an ideal start to their mission. 

Before they leave, Rey indulges her urge to look at her mother's holograph again, eternally grateful that Kylo transferred the image when she couldn't. She knows that there will likely be times when the photo will be the only thing she'll be able to look at for days on end, and there will also be times where she'll refuse to even look at it for months.

When she turns on the comm system, a small notification appears. A short message, from Jedi Ticco. 'I left you two a present on Tatooine, where we camped together our first night. Just get there before those Jaw-wa things do. Miss you.'

If she shows the message to Kylo, he'll think it was a trap planted by the Resistance, but Rey knows Rose wouldn't do that to them. When she tells him, he is hesitant, and tells her to keep her guard up when they approach the planet.

\--

BB-8 rolls out of the Falcon with her, Kylo remains on board, but keeps a watchful eye on them, in case anything should go wrong.

It's not a far walk, until Rey comes across a pile of sand with a small twig standing upright on top. She lowers to her knees, and slowly brushes away the sand to reveal an unmistakable box. She can feel the hums and vibrations of the Force as she holds onto it, and she can't believe Kylo can't hear its call.

Rey and BB-8 quickly retreat to the Falcon. Kylo's waiting for them at the ramp, eager to close the doors. His face shifts as they come closer, as the song moves through the Force and into him. Old and familiar.

He knows what she's holding without even opening the box, he's frozen, unsure of what he should do. Rey moves next to him, and presses the button to shield them all inside the Falcon. Slowly, Kylo takes the box from her hands, opens it, and beholds his lightsaber.

Rey hadn't even considered looking for it when they had gone to rescue him. She had figured that they would eventually have to build him a new one, she thought it best, as she doubts he has the best memories revolving his lightsaber.

She waits for him to ignite it, for the sparkling red glow to shine and scorch itself into view. But instead, Kylo turns his saber, and extracts the kyber crystal. A blood red color with an ugly crack down the side. She can hear how to crystal sings out with pain, unhappy with the state it's been in for some time.

Kylo cups the crystal in his hands and holds it to his chest. He calls upon the Force and it moves through him, carrying the painful song, and bringing it peace.

When he opens his hand, the crystal is still cracked, but now colorless. He places it back inside its chamber, extends out his hand, and finally ignites it.

A blinding white glow emits from his saber, the crystal sings out it's thanks to the Force and Rey can't keep herself from crying.

\--

They haven't made peace with everything just yet. There's one last thing to do. The longer they avoid it, the harder it will be for the moment to come.

Before the leave Tattoine, Rey sends a thank you message to Rose, a short apology to Finn, and one final message.

\--

They land back on Naboo, though it's only been a week and a half since they were last here. The snow is still too deep for BB-8 to join them, and they have to ignore passive-aggressive beeps as they walk away.

Padme's statue is still clean, but they can't help but brush the fresh snow fall off of her stone face and shoulders. 

Rey sat on the edge of the fountain, the water seemingly deep and endless a pale teal color against the white snow and white stone. Kylo stands with his hands in his pockets, just observing the old relic of his grandmother. The woods are more alive during the daytime, as chirping and mewling can be heard from various animals that still hunt during the winter.

It's a soft peaceful moment, one they both deserve. 

The hum of a nearby ship grows louder as it begins it's decent nearby. Parking near the Falcon. Next to her, Kylo begins to fidget a bit, unsure of how to stand, where to place his hands, if he should head to her now, or wait.

Leia doesn't take long to come to them, they can hear her racing through the snow. She emerges from the thick trees into the short clearing. Leia had dressed in warm clothing, and wore her hair down, long and grey.

Kylo chokes out a sob the moment he sees her, and doesn't hesitate to run to his mother as Padme watches over them both. 

They cry out countless apologies and everything they had ever left unsaid. Mourning for all the time they had lost, the people they had lost, and all the time they couldn't have. Rose, of course, told Leia about her place to drown the Force in gray, it just required both Rey and Kylo rejecting the call to either side.

These were Leia's final moments with her son, who she had lost so many years prior.

As she pulls out of his embrace, Leia frantically wipes at her tears, and pulls a small pouch from her pocket, filled with combs and small ties. She asks her son to braid her hair one last time.

\--

They can't stop crying even after Leia leaves. All three of them long to be apart of a different story, and each can't change the one they're living.

Rey and Kylo hold on to one another, opting to send the night on Naboo again. Forever is awaiting them, and they need another moment before it begins.

\--

The plan is a loose one, with only two rules: Help who you can. Keep moving.

Failure and success await them. Even after the master the balance of both sides of the Force, they both know that there will be times one side has a greater pull on them. That's why they have each other.

A blue planet is awaiting them, they choose the first one they had seen the moment they entered the outer rim. Rey didn't know anything about the planet, what problems the inhabitants could have, or if she and Kylo could even be of any help.

If they couldn't help, then they would move on. That's what they promised each other. They couldn't get the future they wanted, so they've moved on to this one. 

It wasn't perfect, it wasn't enough. But then it was.

No Force visions determining their future, or their will. Not controlled by the dark or the light.

They stand together, Kylo with his hand on the release button for the ramp. BB-8 circles around them, along for whatever adventure they had instore. When Kylo continues to not press the button, Rey takes his hand, and smiles for him.

He smiles back, dimpled and sincere. Pauses, then says "I love you."

Something is blooming in her chest, an uncontrollable smile spreads across her face. "I know." She says before kissing his cheek.

With that, he opens the doors to the Falcon, and they welcome their future. Together.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this to distract from life events that I'm probably just gonna end up repressing, but this was a lot of fun. Weird to think that me, a lesbian, wrote some hetero fan fiction. who would have thought.


End file.
